(THEME)
Sue Scott: The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Baking Soda on a Finger. Why carry a toothbrush around when you've got one on your hand? Baking Soda on a Finger: The toothbrush of cowboys for over 150 years. And now, we bring you, another episode of: The Lives of the Cowboys.
(INTERIOR, CAFE)
Tim Russell: I don't know how I ever let you talk me into a dumb idea as dumb as coming to Manhattan, Lefty. Dagnabbed, for idiot ideas -- you have beat out all other idiots.
Garrison Keillor: Well, some distinction there, I suppose. Say, sir-- (FOOTSTEPS)
Fred Newman: Yeah--
GK: How about a refill on the coffee?
FN: You want another coffee?
GK: I need a refill.
FN: We don't do refills, sir. You can order a second cup but we don't come around and pour more coffee into your cup. That's just not going to happen.
TR: So we gotta pay four more dollars for another cup?
FN: That's the basic idea, yes. It's a pay as you go system.
TR: Four dollars for a cup of coffee. That is disgusting.
GK: It's only money, Dusty.
TR: Where are this country's principles? This country was based on the idea of decent coffee for a decent price. The dream of the bottomless cup.
GK: Two lattes, sir.
FN: Two more lattes, coming up. (FOOTSTEPS AWAY) (ESPRESSO MACHINE)
GK: I think it made a lot of sense coming to New York. Deliver the cows straight to the meatpacking district, Dusty. Cut down on your transportation expense. And it's good to get away from the sky, if you ask me. In Montana, it's about all you see.
TR: Getting away from the sky is what happens when they put you six feet down in the ground, Lefty. It's not something I aspire to.
GK: Good to have a change of pace, that's all. Something different.
TR: I've been in fistfights that were a change of pace but it wasn't anything you'd do by choice.
GK: Just try to enjoy yourself, wouldja?
TR: Four bucks for a cup of coffee.
GK: Just enjoy life, Dusty. That's what it's for.
TR: Where is this meatpacking district, anyway?
GK: It's down around Chelsea. Down by the Village. We'll scout it out, then go pick up the cows in New Jersey, and bring em through the Lincoln Tunnel about two in the morning.
TR: I don't think the cows are going to like a tunnel, Lefty.
GK: Once we get em in, they'll be fine.
TR: New York doesn't seem like a meatpacking town to me, Lefty. All I see is a lot of men with their nails polished and their hair sprayed.
GK: Try not to stare.
SS: (JERSEY GIRL) Hey cowboys! Nice outfits.
GK: Thank you.
SS: I love those hats. You get em in Williamsburg or what?
GK: Cheyenne, Wyoming. Where are you from?
SS: Jersey. Mind if I sit down?
TR: Be my guest.
SS: You are so totally, like, authentic. And you look so totally right together. How long have you been together?
TR: We stopped counting years ago.
SS: Oh, that is so cool. So where do you live? Brooklyn?
GK: We live on the trail. Wherever we are. Chisholm, Santa Fe, Oregon, you name it.
SS: Those are like condominiums, right? Like on West End Avenue?
TR: Not that I'm aware of, ma'am.
SS: So what's your name, anyway?
GK: Me? It's Lefty. This is Dusty.
SS: So, what do you do?
TR: What do I do? You mean, like, during the day?
SS: Yeah. Your day job.
TR: We're cowboys.
SS: Yeah right. I've heard that one before. What do you really do? Are you in a band or something? Or film? I met this documentary filmmaker last night who was so totally hot. He did this, like, documentary about his own shoes. Really. He walked around shooting his own shoes. He wanted to do one on me. Film my elbows and my ankles. So he was talking to my peeps and it looked like it was going to happen and then it didn't, but that was okay. I mean he is so over. He is so '05.
GK: I thought this is '05.
SS: To some people, I suppose. What movies do you go see?
GK: You were asking a minute ago what I do. Were you still interested in that, or is that over now?
SS: What do you do?
GK: I'm actually a cowboy.
SS: Get out! No way. Nobody's a cowboy anymore.
TR: Take a good whiff of our boots.
SS: (SHE SNIFFS) Is that for real? Or did you buy that?
GK: 100% pure cow manure.
SS: (NOT LAUGHING) Oh my God, you are so funny. I am so totally laughing right now. Have you ever heard of a place called BrokeBack Mountain?
TR: Doesn't ring a bell.
SS: Because you sure look cute together.
TR: Is that a compliment, ma'am?
SS: You just seem so comfortable together. That's so great that you found each other.
GK: I am so almost done with trying to figure you out and explain that we are cowboys. I am so starting to figure why waste my breath.
SS: I'm gonna head to the bathroom -- would you mind ordering me a latte, tall, with an extra shot, two percent, hazelnut?
TR: Get rid of one and take on another, huh?
GK: Nice woman.
TR: Yep.
GK: What's wrong?
TR: Don't sit so close to me.
GK: Am I sitting close to you?
TR: You are.
GK: Sorry.
TR: How come you have to sit on the same side of the table? Huh? Why don't you sit on the other side?
GK: If I sat over there, then I'd have to look at you.
TR: Well, I'm moving over to the other side. Excuse me--
GK: What's the big deal?
TR: Excuse me-- I'm getting up--
GK: I don't understand.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
FN: Here's your two lattes. One for you--..and one for you. There. So how are you two doing?
TR: What do you mean, 'you two'? What's that supposed to mean?
FN: Just asking a simple question, sweetheart.
TR: Sweetheart?????
GK: Easy, Dusty.
TR: I'm getting out of here.
FN: What'd I say, angel?
THEME
SS: The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Equine Suites. The only luxury hotel that allows you to bring your horse. (WHINNY). So you can stay close, even when you're on the road. Equine Suites. When you both deserve the very best.