(MUSIC)
Garrison Keillor: Once there was a Norway spruce that grew in a forest in Quebec and spent a number of quiet years there, summer (BIRDS) followed by winter (BLIZZARD, WOLF) and then spring (GEESE FLYING OVERHEAD), the geese returning from the south and then in the fall (GEESE FLYING OVERHEAD) heading back south, and that was life for the spruce -- now and then a bear came by (BEAR) and once a deer nibbled on its branches--
(TREE): Ouch. Stop that.
Fred Newman (DEER): Oh. Sorry.
GK: Life was good though the spruce had to fight off some vines that tried to grow up its trunk--
ER (TREE, CHOKING): Go away. You're choking me.
Sue Scott (SOFT, SOUTHERN): We love you so much. We want to be with you. Want to be with you all the time.
ER (TREE, CHOKING): You're killing me. Go climb up some other tree.
SS (SOFT): Love the feel of your trunk. Love your needles. Adore your needles. Can't get enough of your needles.
GK: Thank goodness for winter. (BLIZZARD) It killed off the weaker peskier plants and the spruce, because it was Norwegian, grew nice and tall, and then one day, the deer came by--
FN (DEER): They're coming. Just thought I'd let you know.
ER (TREE): Who's coming?
GK: And then they were there. (TR FRENCH, CHAINSAW) A man with a horrible saw and -- (SAW REV)
ER (TREE): (CRY OF ALARM) (WOOD CRACKING) (ER FALLING) (GROAN)
GK: The spruce was put on a horse-drawn wagon (TR FRENCH) and (TR FRENCH GIDDYUP, HORSES WHINNY AND HOOVES) carried into town and loaded onto a train (WHISTLE, STEAM ENGINE PULLING AWAY) and carried down to Buffalo, New York, where it was transferred to a semi (AIR HORN, TRUCK PULLS AWAY) and trucked into the city and set up with other trees on the corner of Broadway and 92nd (CARS PASSING, NY AMBIENCE) and there it stood. Next to a Scotch pine.
Tim Russell (SCOTCH): How was the trip in? You come by truck?
ER (TREE): Yes. It was rough. We were packed in-- hundreds of us.
TR (SCOTCH): Well, you look wonderful. Really quite beautiful. I've been here for two weeks. I'm getting dry.
ER (TREE): I can see that. You're losing your needles. Right in through here.
TR (SCOTCH): Yeah, that comes from my mother's side of the family.
ER (TREE): So what's the occasion? What do people want us for? Dying trees in the city.
TR (SCOTCH): It's a big celebration. I think it's called Chicago.
ER (TREE): Chicago.
TR (SCOTCH): That's all I can see from here......C-h-i.......No, it's C-h-r-i--
ER (TREE): Christine.
TR (SCOTCH): You're probably right.
GK: The trees stood there day after day as people came and touched their branches, looked at them from all sides--
SS: You want this one?
FN: It's losing its needles.
SS: I like Scotch pine.
FN: We always get Scotch pine.
SS: Well, what do you want to get?
FN: How about this spruce?
SS: The needles are too long.
FN: It's beautiful.
SS: You won't be able to see the ornaments.
FN: Well, whatever you want.
SS: I mean, if you have to have a spruce--
FN: No, no, no-- we'll get the Scotch pine--
SS: Well, now, if you're going to sulk and make a big issue of it, I'd rather get the spruce-- (THEY CONTINUE THIS, UNDER......)
TR (SCOTCH): I hate it when they do this. Christine is supposed to be about happiness.
ER (TREE): It seems very festive.
TR (SCOTCH): The music is nice. Most of it.
GK: And eventually the Norway spruce was bought. By a lady.
SS (OLD): I'll take this one right here.
TR (FRENCH): You want the spruce? You want it delivered?
SS (OLD): Yes, that would be very nice.
GK: And two hours later the spruce was in a Christmas stand in an apartment with a nice view of Riverside Park and the Hudson River.......
ER (TREE): Oh I appreciate that water so much. More more more.
(POURING)
SS (OLD): You seem rather thirsty.
ER (TREE): I am dying. Actually. Nice to have some water. Nice view you have here.
SS (OLD): Oh thank you. -- Did you just say something to me?
ER (TREE): I did. I said you had a nice view.
SS (OLD): Am I going crazy? I thought I heard you say something about the view.
ER (TREE): I did. I said you have a nice view.
SS (OLD): Boy, that Alzheimer's kicks in kind of sudden.
ER (TREE): This reminds me of home. The river. The trees. What's that thing up there?
SS (OLD): That's the George Washington bridge. --I can't believe this. I'm talking to a tree.
ER (TREE): It's magnificent. All those lights on it. I've never seen anything so beautiful.
SS (OLD): I've been looking at that bridge for forty-five years. Never thought about it before.
ER (TREE): It's the most magnificent thing I've ever seen.
SS (OLD): I'm going to put some lights on you and make you magnificent too. I think you may be my last Christmas tree ever. So I'm going to enjoy you.
ER (TREE): Well, you're the only person I'll ever know. So I'm going to enjoy you.
GK: And they did. They became great friends in a very short time because they knew they didn't have much time.
SS (OLD): My son is out in California and my daughter's down in Florida. They don't like to come here and I don't try to make them. It's okay. I'm fine. I have neighbors. And my brother is in Morristown. It's not so bad. And now-- I have you. A wonderful Christmas tree.
ER (TREE): I loved it when you put a little sugar in the water. It gave me a feeling of--
SS (OLD): Of what? Exhilaration?
ER (TREE): What a wonderful word. Say it again.
SS (OLD): Exhilaration.
ER (TREE): Say that other word.
SS (OLD): Joyous.
ER (TREE): Joyous. -- Just the sound of it is--
SS (OLD): Delicious.
ER (TREE): Joyous.
SS (OLD): Joyous Noel.
ER (TREE): And also to you.
SS (OLD): I just like sitting here looking at you.
ER (TREE): Likewise I'm sure.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)