(THEME)
Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. The real estate bubble is about to burst, and our neighbors who invested in expensive second homes that they never use are watching them slide toward the edge of the cliff. So those of us who stayed put in our little bungalows are feeling pretty smart. I reading a book about creating healthy boundaries and so Jim has agreed to use the downstairs bathroom and I'll use the upstairs and it works really really well. And then the other day I came downstairs from a leisurely bath and doing my makeup and I found Jim, looking at himself in a hand mirror. Jim, what are you doing? Where are your glasses?
Tim Russell: I'm thinking of getting Lasix, Barb and I want to see how I look without glasses. Except I can't see very well.
SS: Lasix, Jim? You want somebody to take a scalpel and scrape off part of your eyeball?
TR: It's a laser, Barb, not a scalpel. That's why it's called Lasix, and not Scalpix.
SS: But is it safe? I don't want to suddenly have you walking around with a big dog guiding you around the furniture and so forth. You know how I feel about dogs.
TR: Don't worry about it.
SS: What's wrong with wearing glasses?
TR: Do you know how much time I spend looking for these things?
SS: Well what about contacts, Jim?
TR: Man was not meant to touch his own eyeball, Barb. That's my feeling.
SS: Yeah, but you get laser surgery on your eyes and pretty soon you're thinking about a eyebrow lift, and then a chin tuck, and a lip implant, and you'll get so many skinlifts there'll be nothing left in your shoes.
TR: People change, Barb. It's a fact of life.
SS: I mean, you have to accept that you're getting older, Jim. You wake up in the night. You grunt when you sit down. You groan when you get up. That's because you're 55. Death is closing in. And the sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can start enjoying today.
TR: Gosh, thanks for the cheerful encouragement!
SS: Well, that's why we have ketchup. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help you accept that life is short. But not so short that you need to slice into your own eyeballs with a laser. Ketchup helps us accept ourselves for who we are. How about we enjoy a little snack of ketchup on toast.
TR: Where is it?
SS: I'll find it, don't worry--
Rich Dworsky, (SINGS):
These are the good years, our Renaissance
Though we are aging, like your old aunts
Life is flowing like ketchup on croissants.
Garrison Keillor: ketchup, for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup.