Garrison Keillor: And now, a message from the Partnership of English Majors.
(PARTY AMBIENCE)


Tim Russell: Hi.


Sue Scott: Nice party.


TR: Yeah. Don't I know you?


SS: No, you don't.


TR: Oh.


SS: Your Dracula outfit is nice. You even smell like a vampire.


TR: Yeah, I buried the cape in the ground for a couple weeks.


SS: Cool.


TR: What are you, then? You look kinda dusty and disheveled. Are you somebody from The Addams Family?


SS: No, I'm Bertha Mason.


TR: Oh. ---Who's Bertha Mason?


SS: You know, the crazy wife from Jane Eyre. The one Mr. Rochester keeps locked up in the attic.


TR: Mr. Rochester? Isn't he a horse or something?


SS: No, he's a classic fictional character created by Charlotte Bronte.


TR: Oh, right, Charlotte Bronte. Great singer. Pretty hot, too.


SS: No, Charlotte Bronte. The writer. You're thinking of Charlotte Church.


TR: Oh. I guess I don't get your costume then.


SS: Never mind, just forget it.


TR: Jeez. Have a cow, why doncha.


SS: I never knew what that means-have a cow. If you're referring to giving birth to a cow, wouldn't it be better to say "have a calf"?


TR: You are weird.


SS: No, I'm not. I'm an English Major.


TR: Well, you don't gotta take it out on the rest of us.


GK: You mean you don't have to take it out on the rest of us.


SS: Oh hi. Who are you?


GK: I'm Branson Wilder--


SS: Not THE Branson Wilder, author of the incredible sonnet that appeared in this month's Minnesota Quarterly--


GK: Yes, indeed. I couldn't help but notice your Bertha Mason costume.


SS: Wow. I love your costume--the black cape and mud boots, the dark, brooding expression- and you're tall, too. Oh, Heathcliff.


TR: Don't look like Heathcliff to me.


SS: Not the cartoon Heathcliff. The one from Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights--


GK: Indeed.


SS: The passionate anti-hero-


TR: Oh. I was thinking of a big red dog.


SS: Oh get lost. Please?


GK: I always thought Heathcliff and Bertha should have been in the same novel.


SS: I did too. They would have had a lot to talk about.


GK: So-- what do you say we get Bertha Mason and go for a walk on the moors. (HOWL)
SS: You're so sensitive-- and yet strong.


GK: Of course. -- A message, from the Partnership of English Majors.