Garrison Keillor: If you're looking for low, low airline ticket prices -- make sure you check Johnson Airlines of Wisconsin before you fly. It's the only family-owned and operated airline in the country and they save by outsourcing maintenance and having it done in Guatemala. And they pass the savings on to you.
(DING)
Tim Russell: (CAPTAIN, ON INTERCOM) Uh, yeah-- this is your captain Pete Peterson speaking. You may have noticed that we're experiencing quite a bumpy ride (BANGING, RATTLE OF GLASSWARE, PASSENGERS REACT). And we just hit a whole flock of geese and that sure as heck didn't help anything(BANG). So hang on tight and if you feel like you're gonna hit the cookie tin, don't wait reaching for the barf bag, okay? (MORE). Okay-- relax, and enjoy the remainder of your flight (MORE) Whoops. What in the heck was that? Oh my gosh. (CLICK)
Sue Scott: Honey? Are you going to be ok? You look a little white.
GK: I am white. I wish these seats reclined.
SS: I don't think so. They're church pews.
GK: I wonder if they serve a meal....
SS: I doubt it.
(DING)
Tom Keith (ON INTERCOM): Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. This is your lead flight attendant, Lance Peterson, somebody was asking about toilets -- the toilets on this plane are out of order. You're just going to have to hold it until we get there. Enjoy your flight. Thank you for your patience. (CLICK)
GK: Good thing there's no beverage service.
SS: You don't have to go, do you?
GK: No. You?
SS: I'm just going to think the good thoughts.
GK: You went before we boarded.
SS: I did. But I had that big coffee.
GK: Maybe we should have just driven. I mean, we're only going to Menomonie.
SS: But this is so much faster.
(ENGINE SPUTTERS)
GK: Does it seem like we're flying low?
SS: Maybe we're landing.
(DING)
TR: (CAPTAIN, ON INTERCOM) This is your captain speaking. We got a problem where the sewage outtake got connected to the fuel intake and that means that our engines are full of poop so we'll be making an emergency landing in a soybean field. Please get into a tight tuck position, and prepare for a big bump. In more positive news, the Minnesota Gophers defeated Michigan 23-20. Thank you for choosing Johnson Airlines. (STEEP DESCENT)
GK: That's Johnson Airlines. With prices that drop so fast, you'll feel dizzy.
Prudence Johnson (SINGS): Fly your uncles and your aunts in
On Johnson Airlines of Wisconsin.