Garrison Keillor: You go back to school and your teacher has everybody tell what they did this summer and everyone else went to soccer camp or language camp or did volunteer work, so when it's your turn you tell how you were golfing in the Junior Boys tournament and you teed off (GOLF SWING) and the ball hit a guy on a horse (WHINNY, KONK), and you panicked (PANIC) and you stole a motorcycle (MOTORCYCLE), and took off and two days later, up north, you got hit by lightning (CRACK), not once, but twice (CRACK), and when you woke up you were floating on a rubber raft, in the middle of Lake Superior (GULLS). And an oreboat was heading straight for you (BOAT HORN) and you had no oars, and so you tore your T-shirt in two and used Boy Scout semaphore code to call for help, (TK, WAVING FLAGS: H-e-l-l-p), and soon a Navy seaplane landed (PLANE LANDING ON WATER), and the door opened and the pilot was a beautiful woman (: Hi, sailor) in high heels and a long red dress (TK: Hi, beautiful), and the two of you flew to Costa Rica where monkeys fed you sushi (MONKEYS), and at night you danced the salsa (MARACAS, WHOOPS) and rode horses through the surf (SURF, WHINNIES) and fired rifles into the air (SHOTS). But then the jaguars came (BIG CATS). A pack of jaguars and vultures (BIRD SHRIEKS), flying in dark circles waiting to eat whatever the jaguars left behind. They weren't scared off by your gun (SHOTS, BIRD SHRIEK LAUGHTER), or by a bow and arrow (TWANG), or by paintball guns (BANG, SPLAT), but thank goodness you remembered to bring an airhorn (AIRHORN), and that got rid of them, and the airhorn reminded you that school was starting and hockey season begins in October so you got on a hot air balloon (SFX) and headed north and here you are. Other kids have told what they did this summer and you tell your story and the teacher looks at you and tells you to go to the principal's office. (Tom Keith: Okay. STEPS, LONG SERIES) And you walk the length of the hall to the principal's office. This is your first day of 7th grade. It could be a long year for you. You walk into the principal's office and he leaps out at you from behind his desk (Tim Russell: ATTACK CRY) ------ and you give him some kung fu moves (TK: KUNG FU CRIES, TR OOFS AND GROANS) and then he reaches into his desk for a bullwhip (TR: Okay, wise guy. CRACK OF WHIP) and you leap high in the air (TK: LEAP) and grab the chandelier and you swing high (TK: VOCAL SWING) and on the backswing you connect with his jaw (TR OOF) and out the window (CRASH OF GLASS) and onto your horse (WHINNY) and she's there too (ER: Nice work, handsome) and you ride away, to be happy forever and ever.
Sue Scott: Mr. Keith-----
TK: Yes?
SS: Are you paying attention? Look at me.
TK: Yes?
SS: What have we been talking about for the past fifteen minutes?
GK: And you throw your head back and laugh. (TK CASUAL LAUGH)
TK: I don't know. And I don't care!
GK: And you wave a laser sword at her (LASER, SS SCREAMS) And you hop on your Harley.
TK: Put your arms around my waist, babes.
ER: You're so strong. (MOTORCYCLE REVS UP, THEN DIES) Oh oh. You ran out of gas.
SS: Mr. Keith, look at me.
ER: I can't sit on the back of a motorcycle that's out of gas.
SS: Mr. Keith, indicate that you're conscious, please.
ER: Goodbye. Good luck. Have a good year in school. (FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY)
SS: I'm going to count to five, Mr. Keith, and then firmer measures will have to be taken.
GK: The Gestapo agent paced across the room and back.
SS (GERMAN): You vil shpeak. Vi haff vays off making you shpeak, Mr. Keet.
GK: As the captured American aviator sat in his leather flying helmet, his white silk scarf around his neck ---- liberation would come someday, and meanwhile he'd just have to sit tight and suck it up.