Garrison Keillor: ...after this message from the Ketchup Advisory Board. (PIANO)
Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. Jim started a website to raise money for hurricane victims and it got picked up by some national media and in six days we took in four million dollars. And after Jim took out his management fees and consulting fees and his performance bonus, there was still quite a bit of money for the victims. So we felt good about that. And we're thinking that maybe fundraising is the field for us. I bought some black suits and nice shoes and signed us up for assertiveness training. We should have been happy. But then one morning Jim didn't come down to breakfast. I found him upstairs, typing away at his computer. Jim-what are you doing?
Tim Russell: I've started a blog, Barb. I'm writing down my most intimate thoughts for all the world to see.
SS: Oh Jim. Don't be silly. You don't have any intimate thoughts.
TR: I'm laying my life bare, Barb. My feelings, the anguish, the ambivalence. And I've gotten five hits so far. Two of them from Canada.
SS: Well what on earth do you have to write about anyway?
TR: Don't worry -- I don't talk about you that much, Barb. It's mostly about me. And how in times of adversity, some people quit and other people struggle to raise money for people in adversity and they become millionaires.
SS: What's that picture, Jim?
TR: That's me at the computer writing my blog and eating a cheese Danish. I put the camera on a timer.
SS: And that's on your blog?
TR: Right.
SS: Is that a picture of our furniture?
TR: I'm selling the patio table. The bidding is up to $5.
SS: Log off, Jim, and come downstairs to breakfast.
TR: I can't, Barb. There are people depending on me to keep in touch.
SS: I don't think you're getting enough ketchup, Jim. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help you keep your feelings to yourself, so you don't mess up other people's lives.
TR: Okay -- just let me finish this part about the dream I had last night.
SS: (SHE SIGHS)
Rich Dworsky (SINGS):
These are the good years
Of email and of blogs
Let's go to the State Fair
And look at giant hogs
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on cheese logs
GK: Ketchup, for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup