(WESTERN THEME)
Sue Scott: The Lives of the Cowboys...brought to you by the ACLU -- Adventurous Cowboys Living Underwater --if you've spent twenty years on the dry dusty trail, enlistment in the U.S. Navy Submarine Service may appeal to you -- write to the ACLU-- And now...the Lives of the Cowboys.
(EVENING OUTDOOR AMBIENCE, CATTLE, HORSES)
Garrison Keillor: Looks like snow, Dusty. Maybe we oughta get the horses saddled. Get moving. I'd sort of like to make Yellow Gulch by Christmas Eve.
Tim Russell: So would I.
GK: I'd like to make it to church for the candlelight service.
TR: I'd like to make it to the saloon for last call.
GK: The choir director at church -- her name was Evelyn Beebalo -- she sang a solo last year, "Lo How A Rose E'er Blooming" -- brought tears to my eyes -- I went outside to cry and some other cowboy called me a sissy and I had to fight him and we went rolling around in the dirt, scratching and biting and gouging and tearing and kicking and pinching, and got thrown in jail, spent Christmas Day eating baloney sandwiches.
TR: I know. I was there too.
GK: Oh. Right.
TR: Had me some rotgut whiskey, danced with a floozy, and she turned out not to be a floozy but rather the girlfriend of the biggest meanest hombre in town and I ran as fast as I could and got away--
GK: Was his name Peterson?
TR: Coulda been.
GK: Butch " Big Pockets" Peterson?
TR: That's him.
GK: That's the man I got in the fight with.
TR: Is that right?
GK: He was going after you and he got me instead.
TR: Could be. I got away from him and was running down the street and ran into a post and got knocked down. Got up. I cut my tongue. Had blood in my mouth. So I spat. And a deputy arrested me for spitting. Sign there said, "No spitting." It's a strict town, Yellow Gulch. You wouldn't know it to look at it, but they've got their laws.......
GK: I guess. Anyway, I am hoping to make it back for the candlelight service. Hoping to see her again. Maybe sing her the song I wrote for her. (GUITAR. STRUM. ONE FLAT STRING. TUNING)
Coffee boiling on the old campfire
Wood smoke blowing in my eyes
Wish I were singing in a great big church choir
With folks dressed up in suits and ties.
We would harmonize
On "Little Town of Bethlehem"
And "In dulci jubilo"
An excellent choir, the creme de la creme
Directed by Miss Beebalo.
And maybe later I'd invite
Miss Beebalo to come with me to dance and dine
And I'd ask how about Monday night.
And she would say, "Sure, Monday's fine."
And so I'm thinking of that lady fair
And should I wear red or green pants.
Although it's been said
Many times Many ways
Merry Christmas. Let's dance.
(SS OFF, WHOA.......HORSE GALLOP APPROACH)
TR: Who's this coming yonder?
GK: It's a woman. With an armload of presents.
(WHINNY, HORSE STOPS. SHE DISMOUNTS AND WALKS BRISKLY TO THE CAMPSITE AND STOPS)
SS: Howdy. I'm Nancy, from the Cowboy Christmas Fund at St. John the Evangelist Church and I see by your outfits that you two are cowboys, so I brought you some gifts.
TR: Hope one of 'em comes with a cork and a warning from the surgeon general.
SS: Nope. Here-- open it.
(TEARING OF PAPER)
TR: Aha. A table lamp. With a western-motif lampshade. Very nice. I can't wait to put it on my head.
GK: It's awfully kind of you to visit, ma'am -- we've been on the trail for weeks without much in the way of human company so we've pretty much forgotten how to behave toward others-- am I supposed to offer you a place to sit? I think I am.
SS: That'd be right mannerly if you did.
GK: How about you sit in my lap? Is that too forward?
SS: Maybe so--
GK: Anyway, I'm standing up so I don't have a lap. -- You wouldn't happen to know a Miss Evelyn Beebalo there in Yellow Gulch?
SS: She was the choir director at our church.
GK: Is that right. You say she "was" the choir director--
SS: She moved to Chicago.
GK: Is that right.
SS: Right after she got married.
GK: Is that right.
SS: A wonderful man. A furniture salesman.
GK: Well, how fortunate for her.
SS: She seemed very very happy.
GK: I suppose. Getting those ten percent discounts on sectionals and coffee tables and all--
SS: Well, merry Christmas to you both.
GK: Thank you, ma'am. And also to you.
TR: Thanks for the lamp.
(HER FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY. HORSE WHINNY. SS GIDDYAP, GALLOPS AWAY)
TR: You still want to make it to Yellow Gulch by Christmas Eve.
GK: No big rush.
TR: If you want to sing in the choir, we could make it by then.
GK: I can always sing to myself, that's all right.
TR: I was afraid of that--
GK: Music is my main comfort. (HE STRUMS, "TROUBLE IN MIND")
Christmas is coming and I'm lonesome
But I'm sure I'll be all right.
A star's gonna shine on me one of these nights.
Lying on the ground, looking at the cosmos
And the part of infinity we call the Milky Way
One of those stars gonna shine on me someday.
(THEME)
SS: Join us again soon for... The Lives of the Cowboys...brought to you by Santa Anna Antacid......holiday dining can be hard on your digestion, so why not drop two Santa Anna Antacid tablets (TWO LITTLE SPLASHES, FIZZ) in the eggnog as a precaution. Available in peppermint, cherry, or trail dust. (MOO)
(THEME OUT)