Garrison Keillor: ...after a word from the Ketchup Advisory Board
(MUSIC)
Tim Russell: These are the good years for Barb and me. Our kids have moved out but, their mail still comes here to the house and so Barb and I have 15 new Visa cards. Our cumulative credit line is almost $500 million dollars -- I went to give Barb the good news and I found her weeping into the candied yams. (SS WEEPING) Honey, you're getting salt in the sweet potatoes-- you know how important sweet potatoes are to your mom --
Sue Scott (WEEPY): Oh Jim. I'm just not in the Thanksgiving mood. I just can't find anything to be thankful for this year. I feel so empty. So desolate.
TR: Oh come now. You're just in a rotten mood because your candidate lost. Sour grapes. Get over it. We have a lot to be thankful for. We have terrific cellphone coverage that permits us to be in constant communication with the world even when we're in sub-basements or tunnels. And we can take videos with our cellphones and fill up our friends' e-mail boxes with clips of us smiling and waving. We have Google, Barb. Google -- which permits us to do a search on, say, the word "Thanksgiving" and come up with 234,000 articles on Hank Williams and Angkor Wat and philanthropy. There's iPods and iTunes, Barb. One never need suffer silence ever again. So much to be grateful for. Britney Spears is singing better than ever. We don't need to see John Kerry hunt geese. We have 300,000 frequent flyer miles and now that we've taken yoga we can fly coach and feel comfortable in the seats. So many things. Scientists are working on a drug that will enhance memory.
SS: But I don't want my memory enhanced. I have enough painful memories as it is.
TR: Get over it, Barb. Let's take our fifteen new credit cards out and start making a real impact on the economy. And don't forget ketchup. Don't forget ketchup. Maybe you're not getting enough. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that calm your fears and help you look boldly into the future.
Rich Dworsky (SINGS): These are the good times,
with better times ahead,
All of the blue states are going to turn red,
Just like ketchup on a slice of bread.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times...
RD: (sings) Ketchup...ketchup...