(MUSIC)
It seemed like a good idea at the time, entering the TV reality show where you competed against other people doing such things as eating live cockroaches (CRUNCHING), or trying to sell ice cubes to Eskimos (TR: You're fired!) but then reality TV peters out and you try to resume normal life and apply for a real job -----
TR: Janet, let me be frank. Your TV career is not an asset.
SS: No?
TR: The fact that you once ate bugs off a windshield and swam through a sewage pond and spent the night in a box full of maggots makes you a less desirable candidate for a teaching job here at Carl Sandburg----I'm sorry. (DARK CHORD)
GK: How can you recover from TV reality show celebrity? Move to Minnesota. In Minnesota, fewer people watch reality TV ---- they're too busy with reality, getting their lawns in shape (MOWER), working on their house (SAW, HAMMER), going fishing (CAST REEL, SPLASH). The fact that you once swallowed a salamander doesn't matter that much here. Bygones are bygones, especially if you weren't aware of them in the first place. Minnesota----- we treat you like a normal person.
SS: You didn't happen to see a TV show called Shameless Women, did you?
TR (MINN): Nope. What was that about?
SS: It was a reality show.
TR (MINN): Never heard of it.
SS: It included a lot of things like mud-wrestling.
TR (MINN): Oh.
SS: Scantily-clad women getting into a feedlot and wrestled with pigs.
TR (MINN): Oh, I see.
SS: You're not familiar with it?
TR (MINN): Nope. I don't watch that much TV anymore. So what is it you do for a living?
SS: I'm a teacher. Elementary school.
TR (MINN): Well, that must be interesting.
GK: Come to Minnesota. (LOON) Leave your past behind. We don't know and we don't care. We take you as you are today, not the way you were when you ate fistfuls of dirt for money.
SS: I'm so ashamed.
GK: Don't be. Make a fresh start. In Minnesota. The happy-go-lucky state where the Big River begins. (HOPEFULS CHORUS)