GK: This portion of our show is brought to you by Fred Farrell Animal Calls. (MONKEYS, JUNGLE BIRDS)
TR: This is Fred Farrell. Nature is full of pesky creatures that will drive you nuts if you try to exterminate them, so why not bend them to your will and get them to do stuff? Bats, for instance. (BAT CHITTERING, WINGS FLUTTERING) Bats can be a major pest. They leave bat droppings all over, and they suck the lifeblood from your children. (SS & TK CHILDREN TERROR) And that's no good. And the only way to get rid of bats for good is with a flamethrower (FLAMETHROWER). Or plastic explosives. (EXPLOSION) But now you can put bats to use with my Remote Control for Bats. (ELECTRONIC BEEPING) This simple system communicates with a bat by radar (BAT CHITTERING) and tells it to do whatever you want ---- to (BEEPS) pick up a pencil and bring it to you (BAT WINGS) ---- to (BEEPS) turn down the stove under the scrambled eggs (BAT WINGS), or to herd your children upstairs to bed. (BEEPS) Yes, nothing keeps a child IN bed and UNDER the covers quite like a bat flying around in the dark can. (BAT WINGS) Also useful against pesky visitors.
SS: Hello, were you aware that Scripture prophesies that you will be thrown into utter darkness for a million years? (BAT WINGS) (SHE SHRIEKS) (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DISAPPEAR)
TR: Fred Farrell's Remote Control for Bats. Make bats a useful member of your household. A bat will last for a couple days before it burns out and then you get another one. It's easy to use. Send for a brochure. From Fred Farrell's Animal Calls. (MONKEYS, JUNGLE BIRDS)