Hush little baby, see how nice you can be
Papa's gonna take you to NYC
The city so nice they named it twice
Thanks to Rudy Giuliani who stamped out the vice
We'll go to Times Square where there are no greens
Just neon signs and giant screens
A long triangle with glass and steel sides
Just like Disneyland except the rides
Are much more exciting entertainment
Wild taxis on a very rough pavement
For a front row seat at the old Town Hall
And a radio show that comes from St. Paul,
And if those folks are short on savoir
Papa's gonna take you to the Oyster Bar
And if the Oyster Bar has no oysters
Papa's gonna take you up to the Cloisters,
And if medieval art doesn't do it for ya,
Papa's gonna take you to the Waldorf Astoria,
And if the ladies are too la di da,
Papa's gonna take you to Un Deux Trois,
And if they're out of sauteed snails,
Papa's gonna take you to Bloomingdale's,
And if Bloomingdale's doesn't quite bloom
Papa's gonna take you to Grant's Tomb,
And if it doesn't impress like it oughta
Papa's gonna take you to "La Traviata"
And if Violetta does not sing prettily,
Papa's gonna take you to Little Italy
And if the pasta is passe'
Papa's gonna take you to the Hard Rock Cafe
And if that rock isn't truly hard
Papa's gonna take you to Juilliard
And if the music is out of tune
Papa's gonna take you to Vidal Sassoon
And if an appointment we can't finagle,
Papa's gonna take you to H & H Bagel
And if the bagels aren't the right shade of brown
Papa's gonna take you to "Wonderful Town"
And if the chorus girls have sore feet
Papa's gonna take you to Aquavit
And if the herring is a hair too dry
Let's go to the 92nd Street Y
And if their muse is a much too solemn muse
Papa's gonna take you to St. Bartholomew's
And if the homily just doesn't do it
Papa's gonna take you to the Cooper Hewitt
And if the exhibits all look the same
Papa's gonna take you to a Rangers game,
And if the seats are tight and there's not enough knee room
Papa's gonna take you to the Russian Tea Room
And if their tables tend to cramp and stiffen knees
Papa's gonna take you over to Tiffany's
And if the doorman doesn't say, "It's sure nice havin' you,"
We'll just walk on down Fifth Avenue
To Soho and see if we can find
A place to be properly wined and dined
And then Papa's credit card will be declined.
Yes, little baby, Papa's in hock,
Papa's plastic will not talk.
Papa's credit is in recession.
His American Express has lost its expression.
He's been deVisaed and unMastered,
All because of you, you beautiful child.
So we'll pack our bags and head back home
Where the deer and buffalo roam.
We'll work hard and pay our debts
And live on Cheese Whiz and Creamettes
And eventually when the bills are paid
And the corn is sold and the money's made
We'll put down the shovel and the pitchfork,
And get dressed up and head for New York
As men have done since way back when
And sing this song all over again.