We're in the Blue Ridge mountains of Virginia, one of the most beautiful places in America (WOODLAND SEQUENCE), and the Appalachian Trail comes through not far from here. You want hills and woods, it's all here. So pastoral and suddenly you remember that the motto of the state, or one of its mottos, is "Virginia is for lovers." (FEMALE VOICE: What are you doing? Stop that.) People settled here in the hills because it is beautiful and also they knew that probably nobody would build stockcar tracks here (STOCK CARS) so the NASCAR people are less evident here (STOCK CARS, FN: Hooooeeeee, lookit the wheel come off that one. CRASH, EXPLOSION) And instead of that there's more gentility. (GOLF SWING, DRIVE. FN: Excellent shot, Richard. Really first rate.) We're in horse country (HORN, HORSES WHINNY AND GALLOP) here and that's a hotbed of gentility, people watching the steeplechase go by (HORSES GALLOPING PAST) and drinking hefty servings of bourbon (FN: Why is everything suddenly so green? Have I fallen face first onto the ground?). This is not the part of Virginia that produced all the televangelists (FN: I want you to put your hand on your TV right now and close your eyes and set your wallet on the floor. Thank you, Jesus.) That's from over on the coast, Virginia Beach. This is different here.
The main religion here is basketball. University of Virginia, home of the Cavaliers (SHOE SQUEAKS, BALL BOUNCE, RIM RATTLE, HORN, BUZZER, ECHOEY ANNOUNCE, CROWD. COACH: I want you to put your hand on that ball right now and stand at the free throw line and close your eyes and set that ball right in the hoop and Thank you Jesus.) ). And not far away is Monticello, home of Thomas Jefferson (MOZARTEAN FLUTE AND PLUCKED VIOLIN) ----- Monticello, a vision of grace, a creation of the world back before there were photocopiers (COPIER) or car alarms (ALARM) or cellphones (LOUD VOICE: No, you're coming in loud and clear. ---- Can you hear me? ----- Good.) ------ designed by Jefferson who was surely the most civilized and accomplished man ever to become President, a writer and farmer and scholar and architect ---- and a father, whenever he had the opportunity ----- (FEMALE VOICE: What are you doing? Stop that.) ----- and here is his majestic University, part of which he designed, the old part, and the young people he had such hopes for (HIP HOP ON BOOM BOX) leading their lives of intellectual inquiry and academic freedom (KEG PARTY, BEER CAN OPENING, BELCH, YELLS, FEMALE: What are you doing?Stop that.) In some parts of Charlottesville, the 18th Century is still with us (BANJO) and it's easy to imagine the blacksmith plying his trade (ANVIL, BELLOWS) and the weaver at his loom (LOOM RHYTHM) and the farmer plowing with mules (MULE BRAY, FARMER CALLING GEE AND HAW, WHIP) and the carpenters building a house with hand tools (SAW, HAMMER) and people passing in wagons (WAGON PASSING) and the militia marching by (DRUMS, MARCHING) and boys learning the fine art of knife-throwing (KNIFE THROW, THWACH, BWWANG) and hunting (RIFLE, BIRD CRY) and in other parts of Charlottesville the 21st Century is firmly implanted (FLAT SOUTHERN VOICE: Thank you for shopping Walmart!) and at the mall Christmas begins right after Halloween (TAPE OF JOY TO THE WORLD, A LITTLE FLAT) and boys learn the fine art of video games (VIDEO GAME SFX). Yes, Charlottesville has been widely publicized as one of the best places in America to live, due in some part to the beauties of the 18th Century and the quiet countryside, and this publicity has drawn an influx of people (TRAFFIC JAM) and SUVs (SUV) and sound systems playing music (HIP HOP) that somebody ought to write a Declaration of Independence from and also a plethora of cellphones (WALKING. LOUD VOICE: Yeah, I'm almost there. I'll be there in a minute. I can see your house right now. Be there in thirty seconds. Okay? Can you hear me? I'm losing the signal.)