(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman; RD: Rich Dworsky)

GK: --.this portion of our show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board. (PIANO)

TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. Our children are in treatment and slowly they've begun talking to us again but not so much that it troubles us. They sent me socks for Father's Day and I wore them on a trip to Arizona and at the airport we discovered they were made of hemp. The dogs who sniff for drugs almost had coronaries. I discovered finally that I have a mild case of dyslexia and that's why I keep missing birthdays and anniversaries but on the other hand I wrote down the numbers wrong and I won the lottery. A hundred eighty grand. I was ecstatic. But I found Barb sitting in the front yard in her pajamas. She wasn't wearing mosquito repellent, which, in the Midwest in June, is a death wish, a desperate cry for help. ---- Honey, what is it?

SS: I had a facial today and it was so wonderful it made me nervous that maybe I'm completely out of touch with reality.

TR: Why?

SS: And the stock market. It's going up a little. I think they want us to think we've turned the corner.

TR: What do you mean?

SS: I mean ---- all the shopping, the music in elevators, the wonderful coffee that gives us a buzz all day ----maybe we're completely out of touch with reality. Just look at reality TV. Completely unreal. Right?

TR: Right----

SS: Maybe the reality is that the world is run by thieves and vandals in suits and the whole stock market is a big scam and you and I and our hard-earned dollars are sheep on our way to be sheared. And we'll wind up living in a trailer park beside the freeway heavily medicated and glued to reality shows
with all the doors and windows sealed with duct tape---

TR: Barb, Barb--

SS: Is that crazy?

TR: Honey, I don't think you've been getting enough catchup. Catchup contains natural mellowing agents that counteract chemical imbalances in the brain and help you enjoy life in a positive fulfilling way.

SS: Really?

RD: (sings) These are the good years. It's summer on the lakes,
A mist on the water, as the morning breaks,
Life is flowing, like ketchup on cornflakes.

GK: Ketchup. For the good times.

RD: (sings) Ketchup--.ketchup.

© Garrison Keillor 2003