(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
(PIANO, BIG CHORDS)
TR: The Two Minute Romance----brought to you by Les Sylphides Lace Ballet Skirts. And now----today's story. (MUSIC UP--..)
GK: Lucille?
SS: Yes?
GK: Somebody told me you and Lars went to hear Liszt at the Lyceum in LeSueur last Saturday.
SS: In LeSueur?
GK: Yes.
SS: Who said?
GK: Lisel.
SS: Lisel said that Lars and I went to the Liszt concert at the LeSueur Lyceum?
GK: Last Saturday.
SS: It wasn't the LeSueur Lyceum, it was the Lindstrom, but yes, I went.
GK: To the Liszt. With Lars.
SS: With Lars and Lisel and Lisel's Llasa apsos Lassie and Lizzie.
GK: I didn't know Lars liked Liszt.
SS: We went for lasagna to La Scala and Lars was giving me lasso lessons. With the Llasa apsos' leashes. I said, "Let's listen to Liszt" and he said, "Let's." So he and Lisel and I went in the Lindstrom Lyceum with Louise. For the Liszt.
GK: Louise?
SS: She's with Lisel. They're lesbians.
GK: Which Liszt was it?
SS: The Lysistrata Quintet.
GK: Oh? You and Lars and Lisel and Louise listened to the Lysistrata Quintet of Liszt?
SS: In Lindstrom. Yes.
GK: Lisel said it was Liszt's Illicit Sextet.
SS: Lisel?
GK: Said you and Lars listened to Liszt's Illicit Sextet at the Lyceum in LeSueur. Or Lindstrom. What's that on your eyelashes?
SS: Lysol.
GK: Why Lysol?
SS: The Llasa apsos have lice.
GK: Lars's?
SS: Lisel's.
GK: She said you left my lapis necklace there. The lapis necklace I lent you for the Laissez Fair.
SS: No, I leased it. To Louise. And it's not lapis. It's Lucite.
GK: Lucite? You leased it to Lisel's Louise?
SS: Lesbians love Lucite and I was listening to Liszt and she said, "Lease me your Lucite." So I said, Sure.
GK: And the leopardskin miniskirt.
SS: What leopardskin miniskirt?
GK: The one that unlaces in back.
SS: I must've left it in Lindstrom.
GK: How could you?
SS: I was listening to Liszt.
GK: With Lars.
SS: It wasn't Lars, it was the Liszt.
GK: His Illicit Sextet.
SS: No. The Lysistrate Quintet.
GK: Were you lonesome?
SS: Yes.
GK: For Lars?
SS: No. For you, Louis. I sat at the Lindstrom Lyceum listening to Liszt with the leashed Llasa apsos and Lisel and Louise and the leased Lucite necklace ----
GK: And Lars.
SS: Yes. And I was lonesome for you.
GK: Despite Lars? Your lasso instructor?
SS: Louis?
GK: Yes.
SS: Look at me.
GK: Yes?
SS: Nothing licentious happened at the Lindstrom Lyceum.
GK: Nothing lascivious?
SS: No, sir.
GK: No lust was elicited by the Illicit Sextet----
SS: Lysistrata Quartet----
GK: Did the Lyceum have a license?
SS: A license?
GK: For the Liszt?
SS: No.
GK: So it was an unlicensed Liszt recital.
SS: Yes.
GK: Are you on Lithium?
SS: Do you have a lisp?
GK: You mean Liszt?
SS: Louis.
GK: I can't believe you leased the Lucite necklace------ our liaison, Lucille ---- has it lost its luster?
SS: Take me away, Louis.
GK: Where? LeSueur?
SS: Las Vegas.
GK: I'm Lutheran.
SS: I'm pagan. Somehow, we'll make it work. (MUSIC UP)
TR: Les Sylphides Lace Ballet Skirts has brought you--..
The Two Minute Romance. (MUSIC UP AND OUT)
© Garrison Keillor 2003