(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
GK:--Membership week is coming soon on many of these public radio stations, and this year, as our way of saying thank you for your support, each person who sends a membership contribution will get to vote to decide which of these three ladies will marry Michael Jackson ---- yes, the reclusive pop star has agreed that, as a service to public radio, he will marry either ---
Jennifer---
SS: I absolutely love animals, especially giraffes. And costumes.
GK: Or Lurleen----
FN (SOUTHERN): I'm from the south so I'm no stranger to weirdness. I always wanted children with hankies over their faces. And a husband with a removable nose.
GK: Or Meghan---
SS: Get me out of here. This is way too weird.
TR (MICHAEL): She is giving me very good vibrations. The girl is mine. The doggone girl is mine.
GK: And you, the public radio members, get to vote ---- who will Michael marry?--- will it be the animal lover----
SS: Choose me, Michael. I have all your albums. And I've had reconstructive facial surgery, too.
GK: Or the Southern girl----
FN: There's a little girl inside me who wants to take care of the little boy inside you.
GK: Or Megan----
SS: Oh don't even start- I wouldn't marry that freak if you paid me!
TR (MICHAEL): A freak? That is so cruel. I love it.
SS: If my friends find out that I'm in a contest to see who marries Michael Jackson----
TR (MICHAEL): I want to get to know you. I can't let you get away.
SS: Why did you do that to your nose?
TR (MICHAEL): I had a sinus problem.
SS: Give me a break. That's like saying the Venus deMilo had a nail biting problem.
TR (MICHAEL): You're sort of devilish in a nice way.
GK: You decide---- will it be the animal trainer----
SS: I think wild deer go so well with your eyes.
GK: Or the Southern girl----
FN: Wonderland. What a perfect name for a home.
GK: Or the public radio listener from New Jersey----
SS: To live in a zoo and look at that face for the rest of my life?
TR (MICHAEL): We wouldn't live together. We'd just enjoy some playful fun on balconies.
GK: Membership week. It's coming up soon.
© Garrison Keillor 2003