(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
GK: Let's talk about inadequacy for a moment, and by inadequacy, I don't mean a case of the jitters. I mean the feeling down deep in your gut that you are a couple beads short of a rosary, you are a 22 caliber intellect in a rocket launcher world, you are trying to run a 15 megabyte hard drive using punch cards, I mean inadequacy ---
TR (BUSH): I know what you mean. Boy, I know exactly.
GK: Mr. President?
b (BUSH): Yes sir, I've been trying to learn more about inade --- what's the word again?
GK: Inadequacy.
TR (BUSH): Right. That's what I said. Does that mean what I think it means?
GK: Yes, sir. Mr. President, I didn't know you were here ---
TR (BUSH): I'm not. I'm at Camp Davis.
GK: Camp Davis?
TR (BUSH): Camp David. Up here on the mountain. Came up here to get away.
GK: How come you're on the show, Mr. President?
TR (BUSH): It's the Emergency Broadcast System. Let's me butt in whenever there's a security problem.
GK: Is there a security problem?
TR (BUSH): Well, I wish I knew. What do you think?
GK: We were hoping you'd tell us, sir.
TR (BUSH): I don't know any more about it than you do.
GK: We were afraid of that. So you listen to our show, sir?
TR (BUSH): I like to take naps during the day, as you know. And your show helps me.
GK: Glad to hear that.
TR (BUSH): Sometimes, it puts me to sleep. Other times, it's like a bad dream that the sixties are happening all over again ---
GK: Well, I'm just an old liberal, sir.
TR (BUSH): Seems to me that you and I have certain things in common, and that inadequacy might be one of them.
GK: You may be right, Mr. President.
TR (BUSH): Sometimes I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. You know what I mean?
GK: Yes, sir. You got your rear end sticking way out----
TR (BUSH): Exactly. We both are fathers of daughters, after all. Are you a good father? Do you protect your daughter against the evildoers out there? And those young men who are like you and I used to be? You gonna make sure she doesn't waste her time on one of them?
GK: I guess inadequacy would be the word.
TR (BUSH): I wonder if you wouldn't sing that song by the Sons of the Pioneers about the daughter.
Til she comes home I sit alone
Beside the phone and worry,
My daughter.
My wife and I just sit and sigh
And wish she'd try to hurry
Our dear daughter.
It's a getting late
And we sit and contemplate
Did she meet a tragic fate
When she went out on a date with Murray.
There's one dark thought that I just got
That she went and tied the knot
That the jerk has gone and got
My daughter
He got her
My dear daughter.
She's so cool and I'm a fool
Is there a school for fathers,
Dear daughter.
It's almost three, let's make some tea,
I'll heat up the water.
My dear daughter.
© Garrison Keillor 2003