(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
GK:...brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board. (MUSIC)
SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. We found that we can go to a website and visit Jim's mom in the nursing home by way of a Webcam and talk to her and everything and not have to drive all the way out there. And with all that time we save, we've started swimming again. In our private pool. With the money we've loaned our children earning 19 percent interest, our net worth keeps going up and up. We also bought a giant TV. And the other night I came downstairs and there was Jim, glued to the Weather Channel and looking depressed. What's wrong?
TR: This lingering low pressure system over Alberta, Barb --- it just has me concerned.
SS: What's wrong, honey?
TR: Weather affects my moods, Barb. And I'm already so darned depressed because it's Valentine's Day----
SS: I've noticed that. You were crying out in your sleep last night.
TR: Oh?
SS: Something about the water tasting like turpentine and the
woman you love treating you so mean.
TR: Really----
SS: I had to go sleep in the guest room.
TR: I'm so sorry.
SS: It's all right.
TR: Maybe your dad was right: maybe you could've found someone better.
SS: I didn't want to find someone better, Jim.
TR: What do you mean?
SS: I never went for over-achievers. Mama always told me if a man is too smart, he'll figure out a way of cheatin' on ya. I like us just the way we are. A couple of grumpy people in stretch pants who enjoy reality TV and junk food and don't care who knows it.
TR: You don't feel ashamed of the fact that we take a bag of onion rings to bed with us?
SS: Oh, Jim. Let's go have some with ketchup on top, and have some of those good natural mellowing agents.
RD: These are the good years, each day the morning brings
A circle of being, full of lovely thing.
Life is flowing, like ketchup on your rings.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
RD: Ketchup...ketchup.
© Garrison Keillor 2003