(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN:Fred Newman)
We're in the Opry House in Nashville, Tennesee, the home of the Grand Ole Opry, the famous Saturday night country music radio show, founded in 1925 by George D. Hay, a young man from Chicago who was brought down here by the National Life and Accident Insurance Company to help run their new radio station, WSM.
(FN BANJO)
TR: George D. Hay, the Solemn Old Judge, here with the WSM Barn Dance, brought to you by National Life and Accident---- (FADING)
GK: Back in 1925, life insurance was a new thing for rural people and working people. Paying a small monthly sum so that in the event of your death your family would receive a large sum. Some preachers were against it and considered it a form of gambling. So George D. Hay, a northerner, a showman, set out to sell insurance to those people, and show them they could be the victim of an accident at any time.
TR: And we're going to do it by making a hillbilly show.
FN: A what?
SS: A what?
TR: A hillbilly show. You people are going to be rustic.
FN: But we're from Nashville.
TR: So? You can pretend to be ignorant. Put on these coveralls and big boots and black out a few teeth and paint on some freckles and pick up that banjo.
FN: But I'm a cellist.
TR: Get over it.
FN: I play in the Nashville Augmented String Orchestra.
TR: I'm gonna change the name to the Possum Hunters.
FN: I never saw a possum in my life----
TR: I'll show you a picture of one. And I'm changing your name to Little Cousin Elmo.
FN: My name isn't Elmo, it's Edward.
TR: Not no more, it ain't. And you----
SS: Me?
TR: You're Cousin Libby. And you put on striped socks and walk pigeon-toed and whoop and screech----
SS: But I went to Vanderbilt.
TR: It's theater. I mean, Thee-ae-ter. I want you to be rough and authentic and talk about moonshine. (CHICKENS) Put that chicken up on your shoulder.
FN: I don't want to ruin my suit.
TR: Take off your suit and put on your coveralls.
FN: Coveralls? I don't have any.
TR: Get some. And learn to chuckle. And slap your knee. And guffaw.
Like this. Hee heh hee hee hee hee. (OTHERS ATTEMPT GUFFAWS) That's how
I want you to laugh from now on. And I want you'all to start saying y'all.
Y'all hear me? Y'all start being more authentic now! Y'all hear?
GK: And that's where the Opry came from, from trying to sell life insurance to rural people who would have been suspicious of salesmen in suits but ones who wore coveralls and big boots (BANJO) and chuckled and guffawed (TR HEE HEE HEE) and carried a chicken (ROOSTER) ---- and this was upsetting to Nashville, in a way ---- it is, after all, the Athens of the South. They have the Parthenon here, you know. Vanderbilt University is here, a seat of learning that is second to none. These are not hicks or hayseeds. But here in the South, it is a virtue to be a good deal smarter than you appear to be. In the South, they love the stories where the redneck outsmarts the slicker. Love it to pieces. And if having a chicken on your shoulder helps you sell life insurance (CHICKEN), hey, gimme that chicken.
(MUSICAL PLAYOFF)
© Garrison Keillor 2003