You better be nice, watch what you do.
There's somebody out there looking at you.
Someone with a telephoto lens.
He's tapping your phone, reading your mail,
Gonna find out why you're not in jail.
He's interviewing all of your friends.
He knows all the bad things you've said,
Bad things you have possessed.
He was sitting in the pew ahead
In church when you confessed.
He isn't soft, he's in your face,
He's got John Ashcroft on your case.
Next Christmas you might spend in the pen.
INST CHORUS
The jolly man in the red suit
He's got a pistol in his boot,
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Got a metal detector in his sleigh
Gotta check those packages Christmas Day
Santa Claus is coming to town.
He knows the books you're reading
And the business you conduct,
He knows about your meeting
Cause the whole darn thing was bugged.
Better be a monk,
Absolute purity,
Or you'll be sunk
By Homeland Security.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa knows there's something you've done,
Some trick you pulled, some racket you've run,
Santa Claus is coming to town.
There's something suspicious in your eyes,
A look of moral compromise.
Santa Claus is gonna find out.
You seem kind of uneasy,
There's panic in your look,
You're no Francis of Assisi,
You're just a common crook.
You can fool your grandmas
And your grandpas
But don't try to fool
Old Santa Claus---
Santa Claus is comin
You can hear him comin
Santa Claus is coming to town.
© Garrison Keillor 2002