Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Papa's gonna take you to West 43rd.
We'll go to a show that's at Town Hall
But if it's boring we will crawl
Out the door and take a right
To Times Square where the lights are bright,
And women twenty stories high
Flash against the New York sky
And when the excitement seems to pale
We'll go to Saks for the holiday sale
And if you don't fjnd a thing to like
We'll go to the park and rent a bike
And if all they have is a green cycle and a blue cycle
Papa's gonna take you to a Broadway musical
And if the songs seem the work of a committee
Papa's gonna take you to Radio City
And if you don't like Santas and don't like mangers
Papa's gonna take you to see the Rangers
And if they don't get a couple hat tricks
Papa's gonna take you to St. Patrick's
And if the mass doesn't ring your chimes
Papa's gonna buy you the Sunday Times
And if the crossword puzzle is too hard
Papa's gonna take you to Juilliard
And if you cannot see their String Quartet
Papa's gonna take you to the Met
And if the paintings are passe
Papa's gonna take you Far Rockaway
And if Far Rockaway is too far,
Papa's gonna take you to the Oyster Bar
And if those oysters are too scrawny
Papa's gonna take you to Cipriani
And if there's no verve to the vermicelli
Papa's gonna take you to the Carnegie Deli
And if the cream is just not sour
Papa's gonna take you to the Trump Tower
And if there's no Donald and no Ivana,
Papa's gonna take you to Hatsuhana
And if for sushi you have no yen
Papa's gonna take you to Bergdorf's for Men
And if you can't find silk pajamas
Papa's gonna take you to St. Thomas
And if you're not an Anglophile
Papa's gonna take you to the Carlyle
And if the martinis are just too moist
Papa's gonna take you to Bensonhoist
And if Brooklyn don't begin your beguine
Papa's gonna take you to Picholine
And if you don't like the soup du jour
We'll go on the NBC Studio Tour
And if you don't see a famous face
Papa's gonna take you to Astor Place
And if the punks don't have green hair
Papa's gonna take you to Madison Square
And if the Flatiron Building looks too flat
Papa's gonna take you to an Automat
And if what they've got you're not havin
Papa's gonna take you to the White Horse Tavern
And if you choke on the smoke of the cigarettes
Papa's gonna take you to see the Mets
And of all the foul balls if you don't catch one
Papa's gonna take you to Empire Szechuan
And if the cooks are Swedish and not from China
Papa's gonna take you to the Empire Diner
And if the corned beef sandwiches bore ya
Papa's gonna take you to Astoria
And if the Greeks are out of lamb
Papa's gonna take you out to BAM
And if the far-out is not that far
I'll take you to the Central Park reservoir
And if the joggers run too slow
We'll go to the Christmas show
And if the Rockettes have sore feet,
Papa's gonna take you to Wall Street
And if the traders are standing silent
Papa's gonna take you to Coney Island
And if there are too many honkies and not enough tonks
Papa's gonna take you up to the Bronx
And if the Concourse is not so Grand
Papa's gonna take you to the Strand
And if the cashier don't look kind
Because Papa's credit card has been declined.
Yes, Papa's plastic is in recession.
His American Express has lost its expression.
He's been deVisaed and unMastered,
All because of you, you little child.
So we'll head on back to the Midwest
Work and save and wisely invest,
And learn to live within our means
On tuna hotdish, and wieners and beans,
And eventually when the money's made
And some of it saved and the bills are paid
And we're feeling restless in November
We'll look at the pictures and remember
The sweet temptations of New York
And we'll put down the shovel and pitchfork
And find a couple tickets we will get
At the cheapo site on the Internet
And get on the plane and into the air
And soon we'll be back at Times Square.
Thanks for the good times, New York.
© Garrison Keillor 2002