(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
GK: --brought to you by the Hotel Minnesota, just off Times Square in New York. Where you walk up two flights and save.
TR: Is this room service?
SS: No, this is Gladys.
TR: How do I reach room service?
SS: What do you need?
TR: I donno. Sandwich or something.
SS: At this hour? It's past ten o'clock.
TR: Well, how about some cheese and crackers?
SS: Got some in the fridge if you want to come down.
TR: How about a glass of wine?
SS: What about it?
TR: Could I have one?
SS: It's up to you but I don't have any. Too dang many people put
wet glasses down on tabletops ---- shoulda used their head ---- or better yet, used a coaster. Heh heh heh heh heh heh. I got some orange nectar in the thermos----
TR: How about ice?
SS: What do you need ice for?
TR: Never mind. You have valet service?
SS: You can't iron a shirt? There's an iron and a can of spray starch in the hall closet next to the Listerine. Go ahead and use that.
TR: Is there an in-room coffeemaker?
SS: You can't walk up a flight of stairs to get coffee?
TR: Wake-up call?
SS: Go to bed at a decent hour and you wouldn't need a wake-up call. That's why we have you turn off the TV at midnight. So you can sleep.
TR: The TV has to go off when?
TR: What if I want to stay up later?
SS: Take a look in the drawer of your bedside table.
TR: What's in there?
SS: Same as in any other hotel, except in this one, we actually read it.
GK: That's the Hotel Minnesota, just off Times Square, walk two flights up and save.
© Garrison Keillor 2002