(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)

GK: --brought to you by the Hotel Minnesota, just off Times Square in New York. Where you walk up two flights and save.

TR: Is this room service?

SS: No, this is Gladys.

TR: How do I reach room service?

SS: What do you need?

TR: I donno. Sandwich or something.

SS: At this hour? It's past ten o'clock.

TR: Well, how about some cheese and crackers?

SS: Got some in the fridge if you want to come down.

TR: How about a glass of wine?

SS: What about it?

TR: Could I have one?

SS: It's up to you but I don't have any. Too dang many people put
wet glasses down on tabletops ---- shoulda used their head ---- or better yet, used a coaster. Heh heh heh heh heh heh. I got some orange nectar in the thermos----

TR: How about ice?

SS: What do you need ice for?

TR: Never mind. You have valet service?

SS: You can't iron a shirt? There's an iron and a can of spray starch in the hall closet next to the Listerine. Go ahead and use that.

TR: Is there an in-room coffeemaker?

SS: You can't walk up a flight of stairs to get coffee?

TR: Wake-up call?

SS: Go to bed at a decent hour and you wouldn't need a wake-up call. That's why we have you turn off the TV at midnight. So you can sleep.

TR: The TV has to go off when?

SS: Midnight.

TR: What if I want to stay up later?

SS: Take a look in the drawer of your bedside table.

TR: What's in there?

SS: Same as in any other hotel, except in this one, we actually read it.

GK: That's the Hotel Minnesota, just off Times Square, walk two flights up and save.

© Garrison Keillor 2002