(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK:----after this message.
SS: What you staring at me for? ---- Do I know you?
GK: I'm gazing at you in rapt wonder because I'm writing a sonnet about you.
SS: You are?
GK: Sure.
SS: A sonnet?
GK: Got the first four lines already.
So unexpected, her, shining on a dusty Minnesota street,
The dappled twilight draped about her shoulders like a shawl,
O heart, heart, singing in your strong iambic beat:
Sing to my muse, my sun and moon, my love, my all.
SS: You wrote that about me? Who are you?
GK: I'm an English major, so if anything needs expressing, I'm your man.
SS: I never met anybody like you before-----
TR (RICO): Hey! Babes! Whatcha doin? I been waitin for you inside the store! Who's this gink?
SS: He's an English major.
TR: Oh? Where's his uniform and his sword? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
SS: He's writing me a sonnet, Rico.
TR (RICO): A sonnet, huh? Well, here's what I think about sonnets ----- (SIX QUICK SHOTS, TR BLOWS SMOKE FROM BARREL) There. Looks like your sonnet's got some holes in it.
SS: I'm tired of you and your violence, Rico. You can't put violence in a scrapbook and take it out twenty years from now and look at it, can you-----
TR (RICO): Come on, baby. Don't go off with an English major!
GK: Don't feel bad. It happens all the time. That's because women respond to the power of the English language when it's used by a trained professional---- "Had I the embroidered cloths of heaven, I would lay the cloths under your feet. But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have laid my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
SS: Ohhhhhh-------- my English major-----
GK: A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.
© Garrison Keillor 2002