(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)

GK:--..brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council--..and here for duct tape is indicted energy mogul, Nancy Savage.

SS: I love my life. I love my enormous goatskin briefcase, which comes from Morocco by the way, this guy only makes three of them a year, it costs thirteen-thousand dollars. I love this cellphone that, instead of ringing, says my name. My Lamborghini with the custom license plates-- the license number is the retail price of the car! I love my 300,000 square foot home in Houston. My second home in Aspen, and my third, fourth, and fifth homes in Vermont, Tuscany, and Antigua. ---- And thank goodness I sold all my shares in my company when I did. Had I waited three more days I'd be penniless today. Instead (LAUGHS) I'm sitting pretty. And my lawyer says that by the end of the year, I should be all done with this ridiculous grand jury stuff and the depositions --- Ha! My stockholders! ---- they are such whiners! Get over it, crybabies! Time to move on! I'm moving on. In January I'm going to Santa Fe for some quality down-time and --- just a whole spiritual re-charge and cleansing and rest period and also get a good facial. And have all of these warts removed. And when it comes to wart removal---- there's nothing like duct tape. Darling. Try it. You'll love it. (RIP OF TAPE, SHUDDER) Gone. All gone. I'm like a new person.

GK: Duct tape. It's good for warts, you know. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.

© Garrison Keillor 2002