(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)



TR: At the company they called me Steve the Hun because I made the big decisions to lay off thousands of people and pillage small companies and incur billions in debt and give myself some fabulous bonuses and now that I'm waiting to work out a plea bargain, I've started dating again


SS: You must be Bob. The singles agency gave me your picture. Mind if I ---

TR: Have a seat, Carol. Good to see you. Carol, you can all me Steve. Waiter---- two martinis!

SS: Sorry, I don't drink-

TR: Nonsense. Very dry, waiter. With a twist. Both of them, yes. So, what do you do, Carol?

SS: I work at a learning skills center- it's in this incredibly-- (poor neighborhood)

TR: That's great, Carol. Fantastic. (BREATH, THROUGH TEETH) Always admired people who could do that. Waiter--- we're ready to order. I'll tell ya what. Bring us two orders of linguini with clam sauce, please. And hurry. We have to be at a show in twenty minutes.

SS: I'm allergic to shellfish. I would fall on the floor and die within minutes if I ate clam sauce.

TR: Carol, let me tell you something, I thought I was a goner these last few months. All that hooey about insider trading ---- I mean, what is "insider trading"? OF COURSE we share information. We're not dummies. Where's there a law against friendship, for crying out loud?

SS: You know, you're the biggest jerk I ever met in my life.

TR: (CHUCKLES) I get that a lot.

SS: And you're a thief. You stole people's money.

TR: Stole it, borrowed it, moved it around. Lots of gray area there, Carol.

SS: You're a common thief and I hope you go to jail.

TR: Hey, let's not waste the evening arguing -----

SS: Good night! (STEPS AWAY)

TR: I think it went very well for a first date. I think she likes me. She's going to tutor a few kids. I'll give her a call in a couple months after I'm back from Singapore and we'll see what happens.

© Garrison Keillor 2002