(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman; RD: Richard Dworsky)
(ORGAN CHORD)
TR: Summer is a time to relax--.sit back--..chill. But you don't want to get so relaxed that you can't deal with something that comes up suddenly ----- like a Siberian tiger escaped from the zoo (SNARL), carnivorous fish in the swimming pool (FISH FROTHING), a demented elephant (SFX), vampire bats (WINGS, BATS). One more reason why your hot-weather drink should be (DARTH VADER BREATH) RED ALERT ---- the Summer Refresher with gingko biloba, to quicken your response time. You're in a chaise longue by the swimming pool and suddenly large blackbirds dive at your head (SFX), a meteorite heads for earth (SFX), a rabid dog lunges for your throat (SNARLING), Jehovah's Witnesses come to the door (FN: Hi. The world is ending on Tuesday. You know that?), your wife calls (SS: We're supposed to be there in ten minutes!) or your boss (FN ON PHONE: You got that Conex report finished?), or a cougar leaps from the garage (SNARL) ----- you don't want to be relaxed, you want to be drinking (DARTH VADER BREATH) RED ALERT----with ginkgo biloba. Everyone tells you to relax. (SS: Take it easy. GK: Take a load off. SS: Close your eyes. GK: Don't worry about a thing. SS: Enjoy yourself. GK: Relax.) But there's something out there, waiting to strike. An accountant. (FN: AHA!) A dork in a shiny blue suit with dandruff on the shoulders is poring over your company report and found evidence that you've overstated your earnings (FN: AHA!). You don't want to be dozing on the patio when they come after you. (SS: Craig!! There's a letter from the IRS! Certified mail!). You want to be ready to do battle. (SWIFT KUNG FU CHOPS AND CRIES) With RED ALERT. (DARTH VADER BREATH) (BUTTON)
© Garrison Keillor 2002