(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
(A FEW LIGHT CHORDS. OUTDOOR AMBIENCE. ESTABLISH, THEN DISTANT LOON, THEN SFX OF APPROACHING MOTORBOAT. IT SLOWS, STOPS, MOTOR CUTS OFF, COUGHING. CLUNK OF ANCHOR AGAINST GUNWALE, THEN SPLASH. SLIGHT SOUNDS OF WAVELETS AGAINST BOAT.)
GK: Hey buddy--- how ya doin?
TR (SLIGHTLY OFF): Not so bad.
GK: Nice day.
TR: Yeah.
GK: Been here long?
TR: Naw. Couple hours.
GK: Catching any?
TR: Few.
GK: What you got?
TR: Bullheads. Some carp. Couple perch. And a dolphin.
GK: Any size to em?
TR: The carp are okay. Couple pounds. Thinking I'll probably smoke em.
GK: Sure.-----Dolphin good size?
TR: Yeah. Bout six or eight hundred pounds.
GK: Uh huh.
TR: Just a guess.
GK: Sure.
TR: Hard to tell without a scale.
GK: Right.
TR: He was about a sixteen-footer. I'd say six hundred pounds at least.
GK: I never heard of dolphin in this lake.
TR: Yeah. It was a first for me too. Surprised the heck out of me.
GK: He put up quite a fight, did he?
TR: He wasn't happy about it.
GK: You got him on the stringer?
TR: Naw. Catch and release with dolphins. I don't eat dolphin. Just tuna.
GK: Sure. Looks like a tuna sandwich you got there.
TR: Yeah. That's from the one I caught yesterday.
GK: A lake tuna.
TR: Yeah.
GK: I never saw tuna here either.
TR: Yeah, you gotta know where to look. Sneaky devils.
GK: How big was it?
TR: About sixteen inches.
GK: Uh huh.
TR: Between the eyes.
GK: What kinda bait you use?
TR: For tuna?
GK: Yeah.
TR: Use a jar of mayonnaise.
GK: Uh huh.
TR: Yeah. ---- Yessir.
GK: That dolphin hit hard?
TR: Yeah. You hook a dolphin, they'll fight you. And they run deep. That's why I'm fishing with worms right now. Dolphins don't go for worms. One was enough.
GK: You fishing on the bottom?
TR: Nope. Too many dolphin on the bottom.
GK: Sure. Nice boat ya got.
TR: Yeah. Just repainted it.
GK: Looks good. That a 15-horse you got?
TR: Yeah. Had it for twenty years. Darn good motor.
GK: Yeah, I usedta have a 15-horse. Then I got this one.
TR: What's that? Thirty?
GK: Four-hundred horse.
TR: Uh huh.
GK: They build em small now. Micro-engineering. Microchips and all.
TR: Lotta power.
GK: Yeah, you get around in it all right.
TR: Bet you could water ski with that and stay up pretty good.
GK: Yeah. I was taking Jennifer Anniston around this morning. Good waterskier.
TR: Oh.
GK: She's pregnant but she still likes to water-ski. Old friend. Jennifer Anniston.
TR: She from around here?
GK: She's on "Friends."
TR: Friends what?
GK: TV show.
TR: Oh. Never heard of it. --- Excuse me. (CLICK OF RIFLE HAMMER. GUNSHOT. PUMP. SHOT. PUMP. SHOT. PUMP. SHOT.)
GK: What was that?
TR: Shark.
GK: Didn't see that.
TR: Yeah, they're not easy to spot.
GK: Well, I gotta go.
TR: Nice talking to you.
GK: Yeah. Take it easy.
TR: You too. See you round.
GK: Okay. Good luck.
TR: Same to you. (SPLASH, OFF) What was that? A fish?
GK: A woman.
TR: A woman?
GK: Part woman.
TR: You saw her?
GK: Naked.
TR: You sure?
GK: Well, I've seen naked women before and this one resembled them in all the important ways.
TR: Huh. (PAUSE) Wonder how she stays underwater so long.
GK: She had gills.
TR: You saw em?
GK: Yeah. And a tattoo on her left breast.
TR: Really----
GK: An anchor, I think. Hard to tell at this distance.
TR: Shhhhh. Look out. Thought I saw a shark heading for that woman.
GK: So you don't fish for shark?
TR: Nope. Don't eat shark.
GK: They say they're good eating.
TR: I don't eat anything that wants to eat me.
GK: Oh.
TR: That's why I don't eat whale blubber.
GK: I didn't know whales ate people.
TR: White ones do. You see this leg? (RAPS ON WOOD) Wooden leg. Lost it couple years ago.
GK: To a whale?
TR: Yeah.
GK: A white whale?
TR: It was pretty dark at the time but he sure looked white.
GK: Around here?
TR: Yeah. That's why I'm here. Waiting for him to come back.
GK: Well, good luck.
TR: Thanks.
GK: See you round.
TR: You bet. Take it easy.
GK: I will. Have a good one.
TR: You too. (START MOTOR, REV, MOTORS AWAY. DISTANT CRY OF LOON. PIANO CHORDS)
© Garrison Keillor 2002