(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman)
GK: It was Earth Day this past week and President Bush was up in the Adirondacks showing his concern for the environment. That was a nice picture of you on the front page of all the papers, Mr. President. Standing beside a mountain stream looking around at trees and so forth.
TR (BUSH): Well, thank you very much. You didn't see the shadows of the helicopters in the picture, did you?
GK: No, sir. Looked like you were out on a hike.
TR: I didn't look funny? Out of place?
GK: Looked good, sir.
TR: You know, like when Clinton used to inspect the troops and he'd salute, you could see that the guy never served in the military. Looked like he was plucking his eyebrows. I didn't want to look unnatural out there. They wanted me to stand beside a tree and ---- you know ---- touch it. Not put my arm around it but sort of have a moment together. I decided not to do that. Some folks wanted me to kneel down and kiss the ground. Other folks on the staff wanted me to grow a beard. Those folks're not with me anymore.
GK: You looked good, sir. It was like an Ansel Adams picture.
TR (BUSH): Used to love that beer. Ansel Light.
GK: Anyway, you looked like you've spent your life in the woods.
TR: Well, that's good to hear. Cause I'm not a woods type of guy. Don't have that in west Texas. Stead of trees we got oil derricks. I grew up in the oil business, you know.
GK: I didn't know that.
TR: Yeah, I grew up in oil country. Midland, Texas.
GK: I wasn't aware of that.
TR: In Midland, Texas, kids grew up believing that when you pumped all the oil out of the ground, there was a bunny rabbit in the bottom of the well and that's when you got dessert.
GK: I see.
TR: Anyway, we planted a whole bunch of trees up there in the Adirondacks. Whole field of em.
GK: So you went up there to plant trees?
TR: Well, no. Went up there to look for oil drilling sites. They already dug a lot of test holes, and I just stuck trees in them.
GK: Well, you looked good. Thank you, Mr. President.
© Garrison Keillor 2002