(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith)
... brought to you by the Catchup Advisory Board. (PIANO)
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. A freight train jumped the tracks just east of us, and ten tanker cars spilled hundreds of thousands of gallons of Chardonnay and now our tap water goes well with fish. I went over to Goodwill about four in the morning and managed to dump off our ugly lawn chairs before the security man could stop me. And the Chia pet we'd lovingly nurtured since Christmas is now a full-grown sheep and we sold it for a profit. We should have been happy. And then, late one night, I found Barb sitting in the kitchen, brooding --- Honey, what's wrong?
SS: Oh, Jim. It's Easter. Somehow it snuck up on me and I don't know what to do. My sister is expecting us to come over to her house for ham and you remember how dry and salty her ham is and she wants us to go to church with them and ----- remember last year? All those trumpets? The people carrying banners? The organ grinding away like a sawmill? And the minister! Where do they learn to talk like that, at embalming school? And I'm allergic to lilies ---- Oh, Jim, it's just too much.
TR: Well, we could always go and worship with the Unitarians. No trumpets there. Maybe a string quartet. And their Easter sermon is probably about "Nurturing Social Infrastructure In Minority Communities."
SS: Oh, I don't know. Unitarians are nice, but every time you walk in the door, you wind up on some committee. Remember last time we went? Walked in and took off our hats and coats and ten minutes later we were leading a panel discussion about marriage.
TR: Well, I'm a guy who happens to believe that a person can worship God in church or in the peace and stillness of a very good restaurant.
SS: I just wish I were more spiritual, Jim. Like your brother. Those wonderful agonizing, introspective letters he writes---- why can't I be like that?
TR: For one thing, he has more free time than you, now that he's in the penitentiary. But you're plenty spiritual. You just don't like being around big cloth banners that say "Love Is Triumphant."
SS: I've tried to read the Bible, Jim. And then my mind wanders and I start making a grocery list or something.
TR: You know, maybe you're not getting enough ketchup. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that allow us to see the beauty that's right in front of us everyday.
SS: Maybe that's all her ham needs, is ketchup.
RD (SINGS): These are the good times, of wonder and sunrise.
A walk by the ocean, the reflection of blue skies.
Life is flowing, like ketchup on your fries.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
RD: Ketchup... ketchup...
© Garrison Keillor 2002