(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith)
......after a message from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS) And here is supermodel Cynthia Maxwell.
SS: When you are a supermodel, like moi, you have to like think about the day when your body is no longer to die for, it is just to have a really bad hangnail for, because no matter how long you stay on the Stairmaster, no matter if you, like, go on a diet of insects, the day comes when, like, you can feel yourself jiggle, and then the phone stops ringing and the voice mail is like "Hel-lo?" and the best your agent can get you is, like, modeling gloves for Rubbermaid so you have to find other work ---- well, what I'm going to be when I grow up is a really powerful woman ---- I mean, like a real force ---- you walk down the street and people are going, like, Look at the briefcase on her! You know? I want to like hurt people. Have guys stand in my office and I see their big brown eyes fill up with tears and their lips quiver. Guys going, like, "Did you read that memo from Miss Maxwell? We're in big trouble! Whoa!" Well, if you want to project, like, domination, you have to totally focus and what really really helps is to wrap duct tape around your entire body so that underneath this little froufrou dress you are like whoa ---- the Enforcer. Kneel, slave, or I'll like bite you or something. I mean, really.
GK: Cynthia Maxwell, supermodel and someday powerful woman, for duct tape. (DUCKS) Duct tape, it's almost all you need sometimes.
© Garrison Keillor 2002