(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith)
(GRANDIOSE THEME)
GK: ...This next portion of our show brought to you by Prelude Breath Mints, the mint that often leads to something wonderful. (BRIDGE)
SS: I've looked at your son's transcript, Mr. Hoffmeier, and frankly his dream of becoming a thoracic surgeon is a crock of horse hockey. Kevin is a hopeless misfit, Mr. Hoffmeier. You, on the other hand, are (ROMANTIC PIANO CHORD) someone I'd like to get to know a great deal better.
TR: You're not married, Mrs. Wiley?
SS: Call me Carol. No, I've been separated for six months. All that's holding up the divorce is that my husband has attention deficit disorder. But you---- there's just something about you. I wouldn't mind if you were ---- MY thoracic surgeon. My thorax trembles at the very thought.
TR: Carol ----- we're in an office ---- people are looking-----
SS: I can't keep my hands off you, Mr. Hoffmeier. Your son is a loser, but you ---- (SULTRY LAUGH) I wouldn't mind if you parked your shoes in my closet. What's the story with Kevin's mom?
TR: She ran off with a driver from the demolition derby. Elaine always found destruction fulfilling in some way.
SS: Say no more. Hold me. Kiss me. Put your tongue in my mouth.
TR: Carol------
SS: (UP CLOSE, SOFTLY) Even under standard fluorescent office lighting, your eyes are so beautiful. What kind of breath mint is that?
TR: Prelude.
SS: My mouthwash -----
TR: Yes?
SS: Aftermath. What are you doing for lunch?
TR: What do you want me to do?
SS: I'll tell you. (BIG ROMANTIC PIANO)
GK: Prelude Breath Mints. They often lead to wonderful things.
(PIANO UP AND OUT)
© Garrison Keillor 2002