(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith; RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: ... brought to you by the American Non-Dairy Whitening Association, which reminds you, there's a world of flavor in non-dairy whiteners.
(MUSIC)
TR: Good coffee, honey. And the eggplant flavoring was fantastic. I can't wait to try the bacon & gorgonzola bisque.
SS: They're all part of our Non-Dairy Family Treasure Chest, Don. Six-hundred different whiteners. A world of flavor. Look at this: blackened Cajun whitener. Tomato marshmallow. And haggis hazelnut.
TR: It's like a trip around the world --- in your own kitchen.
SS: And it's so convenient. Half and half goes sour. And it's fattening. And half and half doesn't contain the polysorbate 60 and guar gum that non-dairy whiteners do.
TR: Is that important?
SS: Why take chances? And non-dairy whitener keeps for up to ten years in the cupboard. And when you add water, it makes a swell epoxy glue.
TR: Maybe I'll have a second cup of coffee so I can try the Saffron Catawba. Or the Herring Cheddar Carbonnade.
SS: Don't forget the Banana Bearnaise.
GK: There's a world of flavor in non-dairy whiteners. Save your labels and turn them in to the grocer for big discounts on Ingemar's Frozen Bagels, now in Pineapple, Paprika, or Persimmon. (MUSIC BUTTON)
© Garrison Keillor 2002