(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith; RD: Rich Dworsky)
(MUSIC)
GK: (ANNOUNCER) Has this ever happened to you? You're sitting in a meeting (TK JOWLY GUY, SS JUDITH FLEXNER GIBBERISH) at work and you're trying to think of the word for --- you know ---- the branch of marketing that has to do with ---- the thing you do when you need to know something ----
TR: (TO HIMSELF) I hope nobody asks me a question. I can't seem to remember a darned thing.
GK: When you can't think of words, maybe you need to make an appointment at the Slice of Life Surgery Center and see if a simple brain operation could help.
TR: But I can't have brain surgery just because I'm getting forgetful.
GK: Of course you can. You drive a truck instead of a car, you own 14 telephones, you get your TV from outer space. Why skimp on your brain? (BRIDGE)
SS: I'm Doctor Anniston, Dave. The CAT scan showed some fuzzy stuff in your frontal lobe. I think we'd best go in and check it out.
TR: Are you sure, Doctor?
SS: Better to be safe than sorry, Dave. And besides ---- I really enjoy performing surgery. It thrills me in ways I can't quite explain. (BRIDGE) (RESPIRATOR) (CLINK OF SURGICAL INSTRUMENTS)
SS: Scalpel.???
TK: Did we forget the antiseptic?
SS: You are so bossy, you know? Okay---- antiseptic. (SWABBING) Happy? Scalpel. (PAUSE)
TK: That's the peripheral craniosacrial cortex.
SS: So?
TK: That's where potty training takes place. You cut into that and we've got big problems.
SS: Where am I supposed to go?
TK: Right there. That greenish stuff.
SS: You mean blue?
TK: Blue green.
SS: Drill. (DRILL) There. Got it. I think I did. We'll find out when he wakes up. (MUSIC)
GK: That afternoon ???
SS: How do you feel, Dave?
TR (FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER): Dave feels---- good.
SS: You look good.
TR (MONSTER): Dave---- looks good.
SS: How about something to drink?
TR (MONSTER): Drink. Good.
SS: I think I forgot one little area, Dave. Hold still. (DRILL) There. How are we doing now?
TR: Really well, thanks. When can I go back to work? (BRIDGE)
GK: Most brain surgery patients are back to work in just a few days. You can be, too, when you try Slice of Life. Side effects may include confusion. No coupons, please. Major credit cards accepted. Offer not valid in South Dakota. (PLAY OFF)
© Garrison Keillor 2002