(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: ........we'll be right back after this message from Peninsula Shirts. (MUSIC)
SS: Honey? I found this note from you on the breakfast table. A sort of odd note.
TR: A thank-you note, right?
SS: Yes and it's addressed, "Dear Friend"?
TR: Well, you are.
SS: It says, "Dear Friend, Your wonderful gift meant so much, especially arriving at Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice time and wrapped in shiny paper and festooned with ribbons and/or bows. And when I opened it, and parted the tissue or similar packing material, I was reminded of all those wonderful memories I have of times in the past when I've been with, or near, you. Thank you so much. Yours, as ever, Frank."
SS: Honey? Can I ask you a question?
SS: You haven't called me by my first name in a very long time now. Is something wrong?
TR: No. What?
SS: We've been married 28 years. Have you forgotten my name, Frank?
TR: No, of course not ----- Beloved.
SS: What is my name?
TR: You can't be serious.
SS: I am.
TR: You're joking.
SS: I'm not joking. Tell me what my name is. I want to hear you say it. Do you know it?
TR: Of course I know it. (CHORDS)
GK: Have you ever been caught in this embarrassing situation? You love her and she's your best friend, and yet---- for some reason ---- you look at her and draw a blank.
SS: Twenty-eight years, Frank. Four kids. I hope you remember their names.
TR: Don't be silly. Of course I do.
SS: What are they?
TR: I don't know why you're in such a bad mood today-----
SS: It's a simple question, Frank.
TR: Well, look out the window, would you---- it's Cameron Diaz walking down the street with Henry Kissinger---- in their underwear ----isn't that something----- look------ across the street--
SS: Put my billfold down and look at me and tell me my name, Frank.
TR: I'll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom.
SS: You're going to look for a magazine and get my name off the address label, aren't you-----
TR: I have to pee really bad. Back in a minute.
SS: NO! (STRUGGLE)
TR: Let go of me!
SS: Say my name!
TR: Let go!
SS: You don't know the name of your own wife!
TR: Let go or I'm going to wet my pants!
SS: Say my name!!! (CHORDS)
GK: Maybe you've been working too hard and you have too much on your mind. Maybe the drugs you took in college are finally calling in their I.O.U. But it's a terrible moment in a marriage. If only you'd bought her a set of monogrammed shirts from Peninsula ------
SS: Say my name! Now! Say it!
TR: Am I warm?
SS: It's Joanne, Frank!!!!
TR: Isn't that funny? That was gonna be my second guess.
SS: What about the kids, Frank? You remember them?
TR: Of course. Where are they?
SS: They moved out, Frank. Went to college. Jennifer got married.
TR: Oh. She's my daughter----- Good. And the others?
SS: Sean's in grad school. Megan's in Chicago. Only one still at home is Travis.
TR: Right. Travis. He's the tall one, right? The one who's good at math-
SS: Short. Heavy-set. Plays football.
TR: Right. Right. (CHORDS)
GK: Monogrammed shirts for your family, with their name or initials handsomely embroidered on the pocket, so you always have that little reminder ---- just in case. And monogrammed undies for those intimate moments when saying, "Hey you" would be so wrong. A thoughtful idea from Peninsula Clothing.
RD (SINGS): It's as far as you can go. Peninsula.
© Garrison Keillor 2002