(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: The winter Olympics have started in Salt Lake City and Governor Jesse Ventura is there covering it for public radio---- Governor, that must be exciting to be there live----
TR (JESSE): Well, I'm pretty darn excited because Peggy Fleming just brushed up against me. Wow. Let me tell you. The Pegster is what I call babalicious. She has got your Governor all hot and bothered.
GK: So if Peggy Fleming is there, you must be at the figure-skating event----
TR (JESSE): Man O man, if you horndogs go for short skirts the way I do, this is the place to be. Guess that's why they keep it on ice, so we don't get carried away. If you know what I mean.
GK: So tell us about the figure-skating competition, Governor.
TR (JESSE): I tell ya, it's gonna be one hell of a barnburner. The Mormons will be stormin' till the mornin' here tonight. This used to be a real wussy sport, figure skating, until they added hand-to-hand combat and explosives. Which I know a thing or two about, having been a navy Seal in Vietnam. I have looked evil in the face.
GK: Okay, Governor----
TR (JESSE): I don't know if you've read my autobiography, but I cover it pretty well in there----
GK: About the figure-skating-----
TR (JESSE): Except for the clandestine hush-hush stuff that no Navy Seal would ever reveal, even if you tortured him by having a lot of gals with great legs skating around in extremely short skirts--
GK: So has the competition started yet, Governor?
TR (JESSE): I don't know if you read my book, but in it I tell how I jumped out of airplanes and dove 200 feet underwater.
GK: You jumped out of an airplane...and dove 200 feet under water? That doesn't make sense.
TR: That's doesn't make it an easy thing to do. It toughens you up. I'm telling you, if Al Qaeda should try to crash the party, your Governor is ready. I say, "Come on, let's party. You can't be the man if you can't beat the man."
GK: Okay, Governor----- has the figure skating competition started yet?
TR: These figure skaters've been jawin' at each other all week because, face it, they hate each other's guts. The Russian pair is skating around, trash talking the crowd, and swinging folding chairs over the heads, and I expect we might see a cage match before the night is out-----
GK: Are you talking about couples ice dancing?
TR: And now the Russian couple is skating and the guy is holding the woman over his head with one hand ---- and I think we're about to see the body slam right now----
GK: Thank you, Governor. Governor Jesse Ventura, covering the winter Olympics in Salt Lake City........(MUSICAL PLAYOFF)
© Garrison Keillor 2002