(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
......right after this message. (PIANO)
SS: Christmas is a time for coming together. It's a time for remembering. A time for reaching out and connecting, a time for celebrating. And a time for stopping and reflecting. And simplifying. This year, join the LDB Foundation in our drive to eliminate "The Little Drummer Boy" from public performance. Studies show that one out of four Americans experience nausea, headaches, and feelings of desperation and dread on exposure to this music. How can you help? Refuse to patronize stores that play it. Refuse to enter malls with strolling singers who perform it. Wear this "Thank You For Not Drumming" button. And if you're at someone's home and they put on a CD with "The Little Drummer Boy," don't hesitate to speak up:
TR (ROGERS): This is a wonderful evening and I love your company, but if you play that song, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my dinner all over the table. Yes, I will.
SS: Together, we can overcome "The Little Drummer Boy". But we need to be united. Zero tolerance is the key.
MJ: (SINGS) I am a poor boy too pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring pa rum pum pum
(DOOR SLAM)
SS: Let this be the year when "The Little Drummer Boy" is drummed out of the Christmas repertoire. (FIERCE DRUM SOLO) And next year we can deal with some of the others.
MJ (SINGS): Said the night wind to the little lamb: Do you see what I see? Way up in the sky, little lamb. (VOICE FALLING, IN LONG CRY, DESCENDING INTO REVERB, AND THEN SPLASH)
SS: The LDB Foundation. Working to make Christmas a day we can all be proud of. (BIG AMEN CHORD)
© Garrison Keillor 2001