(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
(CHORDS)
SS (ON PLANE P.A.): As we prepare for takeoff, now is the time to make sure your seatbelt is properly fastened (FADING) and that your carry-on is safely stowed under the seat in front of you. Also make sure your tray-table----
GK: The next time you fly, before you recline your seat back--- please, check to make sure there isn't a tall person sitting directly behind you. Otherwise.... (CRUNCH & CRACKING. TR YELL OF PAIN) you could cause serious injury that would make it impossible for that tall person to enjoy athletics or dancing or horseback riding for a long time. Or participate in prayer activities in church.
TR: Hi. I'm 6 feet 4 and the reason I have this bad limp and can't play golf anymore is that, a few years ago (WEEPY) on a flight to Chicago, this very nice lady sitting in front of me reclined her seat backff
GK: Please. Be considerate of the vertically gifted. If the person sitting behind you is not a small child, dwarf or legless person, ask before you recline.
SS: Excuse me, sir. Would it cause you discomfort or inconvenience in any way if I lean my seat back ever so slightly, say two or three centimeters?
TK: No. Not at all. Just let me shut down my laptop and put on my kneepads and take my anti-claustrophobia medication.
GK: Always check before you lean back. Your seat is a lethal weapon.
TR (RICO): You talk or else ---- we'll put you on a plane and have the guy in front of you lean his seat backff (CRUNCH & CRACK & TK YELL OF PAIN).
GK: A message in behalf of America's tall. George Washington was tall. So was Lincoln. Gary Cooper. Dr. Spock. Secretariat. The tall have contributed so much to our nation. Shouldn't you show them the respect they deserve? When you're hanging pots and pans on your overhead rack, make sure you don't hang them where a tall person might (BANG, TR WHIMPER OF PAIN) crown himself. When you're designing homes, don't make the doorways so low that (CRUNCH OF WOOD, TR REACT)---- and don't install pipes in the basement where (KONK, TR REACT) ---- but above all, when you recline your seat, ask first.
SS: Would you mind if I lean back?
TK: No, of course not. Just let me (CRUNCH, CRACK, TK PAIN)
GK: A message in behalf of the tall. (MUSIC BUTTON)
© Garrison Keillor 2001