When I'm blue and in despair, hand me down that Camembert
Or a Port-Salut, please
Someone cut me the cheese.
Pour a glass of Fume Blanc, we'll have a tasteful honkytonk
With a fragrant breeze
Someone cut me the cheese

There's Brie and Beaumont, and fresh Parmesan
Cheddar and Pont.....L'Eveque and Chaumont
Ooooh, ooooh
There's plenty for you, and plenty for me,
Boursin and Bleu, Schmierkase and Brie,
Ooooh, ooooh
And that cream cheese
If you can finagle a sesame bagel
Philosophers love it
Schoenhauer and Hegel.
Oh give me a squeeze
And cut me the cheese.

When I'm blue I need to eat a toasted muffin with Velveeta
Just leave me alone
And cut me the cheese.
I like it white, I like it yella, Bel Paese, Mozzarella,
A nice Provolone
Someone cut me the cheese.

© Garrison Keillor 2001