(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
...brought to you by Fred Farrell Animal Calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS) When it comes to animal calls, there's just one name, and that's Fred Farrell.
TR (FRED): This is Fred Farrell. Does your dog chase cars like this dog here----(CAR SPEEDS PAST, DOG RUNNING FAST BARKING, FADE). If so, obedience training isn't going to work.
GK: Stay! (CAR SPEEDS PAST) Stay! (DOG RUNNING, BARKING, FADE)
TR: Locking the dog in the house doesn't work either.
GK: Rex! No! (DOG RUNNING FAST, BARKING, THROUGH GLASS WINDOW, FADES)
TR: Car chasing is predatory behavior that's part of your dog's basic wiring. To Rex, it's a meal on wheels. The only way to stop him from chasing cars is to distract him with my Giant Condor call. (CONDOR CRY) Dogs are scared sick of condors, as well they should be. If he thinks there's a condor around, he'll forget all about that car. (CONDOR)
Some people say, "Well, how can I stop my dog from chasing deer?" The answer is: you don't want to.
TR: Deer are nothing but pests. If you don't stop em, they'll come right in your house and get out the salad spinner and eat your baby mixed greens with a raspberry dressing. They're pests. And they give you Lyme disease. That's why I developed my Fred Farrell Deer Yell. Deer Calls attract deer --- Deer Yells drive deer away --- like this one, for example, (DEER SNORTS) that one says, "There are forest rangers shooting hypodermic needles into deer's butts and they sure won't have any trouble hitting yours, wide ride."
My Deer Yell runs off deer almost as well as a dog does. Unless there's a Giant Condor around.
GK: Order a Fred Farrell Deer Yell and get, free, a twelve-in-one set of Animal Calls, including lizard (SFX), leopard (SFX), Lippizaner (HORSE WHINNY), lamprey (SFX), lamb (SFX), llama (SFX), lemur (SFX), lemming (SFX), Labrador (SFX), Longhorn (SFX), Leghorn (SFX), and loon (SFX). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS)
© Garrison Keillor 2001