(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell)
GK: Mr. President, good to have you with us today.....
TR (BUSH): Hey. No problem. I was out driving around anyway, out here in ...in the....in...
GK: Virginia.
TR (BUSH): Right, and I turned down the road and here you were.
GK: You were out driving around by yourself??
TR (BUSH): Do it all the time. Get out the Caddie ---
GK: The Secret Service lets you go wandering around alone?
TR (BUSH): I just mosey out the front door, they don't pay it no mind. Hop in the car, and off I go.
GK: I wonder who they think is President.
TR (BUSH): I don't get you...
GK: Why don't you like to go driving around, Mr. President?
TR (BUSH): It's how I think about stuff, getting behind the wheel.
GK: Uh huh. And what have you been thinking today?
TR (BUSH): Been thinking that if we raise the speed limit to a hundred or a hundred and fifty, it'd do a lot to eliminate traffic congestion. Don't it just stand to reason? Get those cars moving to where they're going to stead of standing still.
GK: That's a big jump from 55.
TR (BUSH): Hey. Speaking of that, I turned 55 yesterday. Big day. The double nickel, we call it. Quite a day. Yes, sir. My wife gave me a book and everything.
GK: Fifty-five is a little higher than your approval rating right now.
TR (BUSH): Well, you don't need a majority to get elected, you know. All you need is Sandra Day O'Connor and about twenty thousand really confused senior citizens in Florida.
GK: Good point. You went golfing for your birthday?
TR (BUSH): Went with my family. Me and Dad. Old No. 41. And when we got to the clubhouse my daughters were already there waiting for me. And in a very good mood, I might add.
GK: Sounds nice. How's Vice-President Cheney coming along?
TR (BUSH): Hey, no problem. Got himself a pacemaker. No problem.
GK: A pacemaker is fairly serious though.
TR (BUSH): Hey --- every so often during cabinet meetings, whatever, somebody used to have to go over and pound on his chest --- this could be a real time saver.
GK: You don't think his heart disease will keep him from doing his job?
TR (BUSH): Part of his job is to attend funerals. So maybe one day he shows up for work early. No big deal.
GK: Okay. You take it easy driving back to Washington. And when you get to them the White House --- you got a picture ID you can show em?
TR (BUSH): Got it right here.
GK: Thanks, Mr. President....
© Garrison Keillor 2001