(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
(MOUTH TRUMPET FANFARE)
TR: Citizens of Thebes, why is the city filled with the sound of lamentation?
CHORUS: (IN UNISON) O King Oedipus, illness and disease have struck our city. A viral infection. Mainly bronchial.
(THEY COUGH IN UNISON)
TR: Lo, the visually-impaired prophet Tiresias comes from the oracle of Apollo.
SS (ANCIENT): Apollo says you must avenge the foul murder of King Laius - the first husband of your wife Jocasta.
TR: Tell me, O prophet ---- who is he? where can I find him?
SS (ANCIENT): Promise not to get angry.
TR: Cross my heart and hope to die.
SS: Okay. It's you. You are the slayer of Laius. (CROWD UPROAR) (MUSIC BRIDGE)
GK: Tonight on many of these stations, the St. Paul Unitarian Radio Theater presents a Unitarian re-telling of the classic story of Oedipus.
TR: Oh my gosh. My wife's first husband was my dad???? I can't believe it. And he's the one I killed in the dark at the crossroads, thinking he was a robber??? And I married the widow----- my mom???? It's just like the oracle of Delphi told me, years ago. Why didn't I listen??? I feel so---- ashamed.
SS (MATURE): Don't be so hard on yourself, honey. How could you know? Oracles are always so ambiguous.
TR: Give me those pins, let me gouge out my eyes!!! (HE CRIES OUT)
SS: Please don't be that way. So you made a few mistakes. Nobody's perfect. Yes, I'm your mother, but we have a good marriage, and that's got to be worth something. Let's all take a step back and cool it, get a little therapy, explore some issues, and get on with it and enjoy our lives.
CHORUS: Let's get on with it and enjoy our lives. (MOUTH TRUMPETS)
GK: "Oedipus Rex," a Unitarian re-telling, tonight, on many of these stations......
(c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor