(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
.....after a word from Quo Vadis Pharmaceuticals.
SS: I still feel upset and bitter about the Supreme Court deciding who's president. Every time I think about it, I get angry all over again.
TR (DOCTOR): If you suffer from partisan divisiveness, here's great news from Quo Vadis Pharmaceuticals: it's Fuggeditol, the drug proven most effective in producing a sense of national unity.
SS: Four days on Fuggeditol and I feel I can trust the Republicans to do what's best for me and my family. But are there harmful side-effects, Doctor?
TR: As long as you avoid operating an automobile and stay away from sunlight, Fuggeditol is absolutely harmless.
GK: Ask your doctor if Fuggeditol could help you. (CHORDS)
SS: Thanks to Fuggeditol, I'm over my partisan bitterness, but I'm drooling rather heavily. What can I do?
TR (DOCTOR): If you're having a problem with saliva management, Quo Vadis Pharmaceuticals has good news: it's Spitstop, the only antihistamine that's specifically targeted to drying up drool. Nothing is more unsightly for an adult than to walk around with little trails of spit dribbling from your lips. Have you checked the corners of your mouth lately?
SS: Now that I'm on Spitstop, I no longer have embarrassing drool stains on my blouse and skirt. But is it safe?
TR: Spitstop is safe when used as directed. Do not use Spitstop within 24 hours of eating broccoli or being around cats. Discontinue use if your ankles swell or if you experience cardiac arrest.
GK: Spitstop......ask your doctor. (CHORDS)
SS: My bitterness is gone and I no longer drool, but now I'm sleeping sixteen hours a day.
TR: (DOCTOR) Quo Vadis Pharmaceuticals has good news for people who suffer from torpor: it's AMPHETAPRIN.....it's safe ---- and it gets you up and moving.
SS: Thanks to Amphetaprin, I'm much more alert and I don't drool and I don't feel bitter about the election.
TR (DOCTOR): Safe when used as directed. Do not take if you suffer from allergies or if you travel by airplanes or if your name begins with a letter between L and T.
GK: Ask your doctor about AMPHETAPRIN. (CHORDS)
SS: I feel really really really good, lots of energy, no drooling, and I guess the only thing I don't feel good about is all the drugs I'm taking. Is there any way I can get off them?
TR (ASSURED): Worried about your intake of prescription drugs? Let us recommend Pukidin. Absolutely safe when used as directed.
GK: Ask your doctor about Pukidin. What do you have to lose?
TR: From Quo Vadis Pharmaceuticals. Where there's a pill, there's a way. A subsidiary of Upchuck. Wherever chemistry is going, Quo Vadis is getting there first. (MUSIC BUTTON)
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor