(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
It's June in Minnesota (BIRDS, WOODLAND AMBIENCE), the sun is shining, the happy family gathers on the backyard patio --- and yet memories of winter and suffering are never far away (DARK CHORD) ---- a simple sound, like a lawn mower (ENGINE STARTING) can trigger them----
TR: A snowblower!! No!! It can't be!!
SS: Snowing---- .....
TK (TEEN): I can't stand it!!
SS (GIRL): Why can't we be happy like other people? (CHORDS)
GK: The tundra blooms now but the memories of peril (CAR STARTER, TR REVERB: The car won't start!) and fear (SS REVERB: We're alone!) and pain (TK REVERB TEEN: It's cold!) and deprivation (SS GIRL REVERB: We'll never make it to the airport in time for our flight to Tucson!!!) --- they're never far from the surface, even on a beautiful day like today.
TR: Thank you for making such a beautiful salad.
SS: It's no problem.
TR (AGONIZED): Snow!!! Why do you mention snow!!!
SS: I didn't!!!
TR (AGONY): Why bring up the past!!
TK (TEEN): Yeah, Mom!! Why???
SS: Timmy, no! Put away that fork!
TK (TEEN): I hate you!
SS (GIRL): Why can't we be happy like other people? (BRIDGE)
GK: This is the question that has haunted Minnesotans for years. In California, life is so easy --- a walk along the beach (SURF, GULLS) and then dinner on the terrace (TR RICH GUY: The grouper is delicious! I love it with the avocado and basmati rice!), and meanwhile in Minnesota we go through winter---- and then (MOSQUITO) the insects come after us----
(QUIET PIANO)
GK: Now it's possible to abolish suffering in Minnesota. Thanks to a new drug called Mille Lacs.
SS (MINNESOTA): I heard about those anti-depressant pills.
TR: (MINNESOTA) Yeah, I can't see myself taking those. No way.
SS (MINNESOTA): Just don't seem right, somehow. Take a pill and you feel good.
GK: Mille Lacs is a pharmaceutical not available in tablets.
SS (MINNESOTA): Well, that's different then.
GK: Mille Lacs is administered by injection. In the forehead.
SS (MINNESOTA): Boy, the weather and the mosquitoes sure used to bother me. And then I started taking this new drug. Boy ---- I just felt completely happy.
TR (MINNESOTA): That's the one where you shoot it right into your forehead, right?
SS (MINNESOTA): Right.
TR (MINNESOTA): I been thinking about trying that.
SS (MINNESOTA): Yeah, you oughta.
GK: Everything you've read about joy in the New Testament ---- you'll find it with Mille Lacs. A happiness previously only seen in Broadway musicals ---- now it can be yours, with one simple injection in the morning.
TR (MINNESOTA): Does that hurt when you stick yourself in the forehead?
SS (MINNESOTA): Are you kidding? It hurts like crazy.
TR (MINNESOTA): Yeah, I thought probably it did.
SS (MINNESOTA): You gotta stick it way in, you know.
TR (MINNESOTA): Is that right? I suppose you could get a doctor to do it to you though.
SS (MINNESOTA): No, you have to do it yourself.
TR (MINNESOTA): Boy, I don't know----
SS (MINNESOTA): It sure makes you happy though.
GK: It's the anti-depressant made especially for Minnesotans.
SS: (MINNESOTA) I'm still from here but I don't feel like it anymore. I'm happy. But I had to suffer for it.
GK: Must be taken as directed. (BUTTON)
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor