(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
GK: Here's a message for men --- about your height. Studies show that 5'10" is the ideal height for a man. The height of Tim Russell here.
TR: That's correct. At five-ten, clothes look better on you. You can reach high shelves but you're not so threatening to women. And nobody asks, "How's the weather up there?"
GK: If you're 6'2 or 6'3, maybe you've thought about losing height and you tried to get on a height-loss program but after a few weeks, after you'd only lost half an inch or so from slouching, you got discouraged and you went right back up to where you were before. What can you do? Well, there's always height-reduction surgery, but before you do that, think about the American Diminishment Clinic, where trained sympathetic counseling can help you reduce height naturally, easily. Dr. Judith Flaxen.
SS: Men get tall because testosterone makes them competitive. And they want to supplant their fathers. And they want to dominate women. It's all about power issues. Anyone over 6 feet is passive-aggressive: you can count on it.
GK: And counseling can help?
SS: In fifty-seven percent of cases, yes. Counselling can lead to height loss of two, three, and even six to eight inches.
TR: I used to be six-six and the American Diminishment Clinic helped me face up to my need to control situations and I came down to 5'10 in just three months. Now I'm comfortable on airplanes and people don't yell at me when I sit down in front of them at movies.
GK: So if you suffer from excessive height----
SS: Send em to us. We'll take em down a few notches.
GK: That's ADC, the American Diminishment Clinic.
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor