(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
.....we'll be right back after this message.
SS (ON SPEAKER): Welcome to Mr. Mega-mall, may I interest you in our Mr. Mega-Mall Millenium Meal?
TR: Uh.....What comes with that?
SS (ON SPEAKER): The Mr. Mega-Mall Millenium Meal includes a two- pound Hubba-Hubba hamburger, a bucket of friendly fries, and a half-gallon Big Daddy Soda Pop served in a souvenir Papa Bear pail.
TR: I see. Do you have hot dogs?
SS (ON SPEAKER): No, for that, you'd need to go to the Soup Doggy Dog.
TR: How far is that?
SS (ON SPEAKER): There's one forty miles from here.
TR: How about a sandwich? Grilled cheese?
SS (ON SPEAKER): No, sir. For that, you'd want to find a Mr. Cheesy. There's one right next to the Soup Doggy Dog.
TR: Oh. Okay. (PAUSE) What's the Good Golly Miss Walleye?
SS (ON SPEAKER): It's our fish sandwich.
TR: How big is that?
SS (ON SPEAKER): It's a two pounder and it comes in our melted marshmallow sauce.
TR: Can I get it without the melted marshmallow?
SS (ON SPEAKER): No, the marshmallow is already melted on it.
TR: Is there a restaurant near here?
SS (ON SPEAKER): There are food courts ---
TR: How close is the nearest food court?
SS (ON SPEAKER): It's next to the Mr. Cheesy.
TR: This Hubba-Hubba hamburger ---- could I order just half of one?
SS (ON SPEAKER): No, we don't do smaller portions. (HORN HONKING, OFF)
TR: Okay. Well, give me one of those.
SS (ON SPEAKER): You want the Mr. Megamall Millenium Meal with the Hubba Hubba burger, the bucket of friendly fries, and the Big Daddy soda pop in the souvenir Papa Bear pail?
TR: Yes. I would.
SS (ON SPEAKER): How about dessert?
TR: What kind do you have?
SS (ON SPEAKER): We have the Rooty-Toot-Toot Root Beer Float, we have the Coochy-Coochy-Coo Chocolate Mousse, we have the Rama Lama Ding Dong Danish, and we have the Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
TR: You have rhubarb pie?
SS (ON SPEAKER): Yes, sir.
TR: Regular rhubarb pie?
SS (ON SPEAKER): Yes, sir.
TR: I'll just have that.
SS (ON SPEAKER): The pie doesn't come separately. It only comes with the Mr. Mega-Mall Millenium Meal, sir.
TR: With the Hubba Hubba burger, the friendly fries, and the Big Daddy soda pop in the souvenir Papa Bear pail?
SS (ON SPEAKER): Yes, sir.
TR: I'll take it.
(THEME)
GK: ... Yes, there's just something about rhubarb pie. It's worth going through the rest of the meal just to get it. Especially if it's Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
GK SINGS BEBOP THEME
Where's my baby, where'd she go
I asked her friends but they don't know
So I got me a piece of rhubarb pie
And here comes my baby strollin by
I know my baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie
I see that rhubarb look in her eye
Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor