(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: Rapid City is the home of Mt. Rushmore and here is one of the Mt. Rushmore Park Rangers, and I see your name is Ranger.
TR: Parker Ranger, yes.
GK: Parker is your first name.
TR: That's correct.
GK: Park Ranger Parker Ranger.
TR: Correct.
GK: You must take a lot of ribbing about that.
TR: About what?
GK: Well, with your name - Never mind. Tell us about Mt. Rushmore, Ranger Ranger.
TR: Four American Presidents carved on the granite face of a mountain. Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln. The work on Mt. Rushmore began in 1927, and the plan is to finish it in 2027.
GK: Finish it?
TR: That's right. Finish carving the rest.
GK: What is it supposed to look like?
TR: Suppose to be twelve presidents and full body statues, not just heads.
GK: Twelve presidents standing there?
TR: No, twelve presidents sitting on ponies.
GK: I see.
TR: Yeah. My father was a wranger here for years and it was his dream that Mt. Rushmore be completed someday.
GK: And your father's name was?
TR: Forest.
GK: Forest Ranger.
TR: Correct.
GK: Your family had a quirky sense of humor.
TR: Why do you say that?
GK: Never mind. So is there a reason why Mt. Rushmore hasn't been completed?
TR: Well, they have to choose the remaining eight presidents.
GK: Who is supposed to do that?
TR: The Rapid City City Council.
GK: I see.
TR: My uncle is the president.
GK: Uh-huh.
TR: Rhea.
GK: Of course. So how are they coming?
TR: They've chosen seven so far. Ronald Reagan, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Herbert Hoover, Calvin Coolidge, Warren G. Harding, William McKinley, and Jefferson Davis.
GK: All of them Republican except one Confederate.
TR: I wasn't aware of that.
GK: So they're still discussing who the eighth should be?
TR: That's right. It's between Millard Fillmore and James Buchanan.
GK: Tough choice. How about possibly including Governor Jesse (The Body) Ventura at Mount Rushmore?
TR: Governor Ventura already has a number of rock formations that look like him. I don't think we need any more.
GK: Thank you, Park Ranger Parker Ranger from Mount Rushmore.
(PLAYOFF)
From an idea submitted by Dan Fiorella
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor