(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: Rapid City is the home of Mt. Rushmore and here is one of the Mt. Rushmore Park Rangers, and I see your name is Ranger.

TR: Parker Ranger, yes.

GK: Parker is your first name.

TR: That's correct.

GK: Park Ranger Parker Ranger.

TR: Correct.

GK: You must take a lot of ribbing about that.

TR: About what?

GK: Well, with your name - Never mind. Tell us about Mt. Rushmore, Ranger Ranger.

TR: Four American Presidents carved on the granite face of a mountain. Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln. The work on Mt. Rushmore began in 1927, and the plan is to finish it in 2027.

GK: Finish it?

TR: That's right. Finish carving the rest.

GK: What is it supposed to look like?

TR: Suppose to be twelve presidents and full body statues, not just heads.

GK: Twelve presidents standing there?

TR: No, twelve presidents sitting on ponies.

GK: I see.

TR: Yeah. My father was a wranger here for years and it was his dream that Mt. Rushmore be completed someday.

GK: And your father's name was?

TR: Forest.

GK: Forest Ranger.

TR: Correct.

GK: Your family had a quirky sense of humor.

TR: Why do you say that?

GK: Never mind. So is there a reason why Mt. Rushmore hasn't been completed?

TR: Well, they have to choose the remaining eight presidents.

GK: Who is supposed to do that?

TR: The Rapid City City Council.

GK: I see.

TR: My uncle is the president.

GK: Uh-huh.

TR: Rhea.

GK: Of course. So how are they coming?

TR: They've chosen seven so far. Ronald Reagan, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Herbert Hoover, Calvin Coolidge, Warren G. Harding, William McKinley, and Jefferson Davis.

GK: All of them Republican except one Confederate.

TR: I wasn't aware of that.

GK: So they're still discussing who the eighth should be?

TR: That's right. It's between Millard Fillmore and James Buchanan.

GK: Tough choice. How about possibly including Governor Jesse (The Body) Ventura at Mount Rushmore?

TR: Governor Ventura already has a number of rock formations that look like him. I don't think we need any more.

GK: Thank you, Park Ranger Parker Ranger from Mount Rushmore.


From an idea submitted by Dan Fiorella

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor