(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworksy)
Tonight's show is brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years, for Barb and me. Barb's mother went into the care center, and what with her memory loss, we only have to visit her once a month because she has no idea who we are anyway. We sold her house and we found bundles of money stored in the cookie jar. Which paid for a week in Reno at a high class hotel, in a suite with a Jacuzzi big enough to cause global warming. And we had a pretty good night playing blackjack using Barb's system of "hit me" twice and then "stay" - We came away with money leaking out of our pockets. We should've been happy.
SS: Honey, what's wrong?
TR: Having too good a time. How will I ever be able to return to the office?
SS: You like it here in Reno, don't you.
TR: It's completely different from Minnesota. Minnesota is a state run by elementary school teachers, Barb. In Nevada, the students took over the school.
SS: You liked that nightclub, didn't you.
TR: Haven't had a good time that good since I was 13.
SS: It was crazy.
TR: Did you like it?
SS: Not as much as you did. I enjoyed watching you.
TR: I never went to a nightclub where people throw food! Beautiful.
SS: It was wild.
TR: Waiters bringing out big tubs of mashed potatoes and beans and - jello. You were flinging the jello around pretty good.
SS: Hard to imagine something like that in Minnesota.
TR: In Minnesota, if you did that, the newspaper'd print an editorial about world hunger. Even if you threw one little tiny pea. Here in Reno, they figure, "If you want to do it, and it doesn't hurt anybody, then go ahead!" I like that. I hear they got fourteen or fifteen of these cafeteria clubs in Reno. People go in, fling the jello, take a shower, put on clean clothes, and go home. What harm does it do?
SS: Well, maybe we can do a little at home.
TR: You mean it? What if the neighbors find out?
SS: None of their business. I think we should just do what feels right. How about one night a week we eat supper in the basement? I'll fix a macaroni and cheese hotdish and jello and -
TR: Meatloaf?
SS: Sure. With plenty of oatmeal to hold it together.
TR: And ketchup?
SS: Of course. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help a person overcome inhibitions.
TR: I can't wait to get home, Barb.
RD (sings):
These are the good years, filled with memories,
Fresh and bracing as a mountain breeze
Fresh as ketchup on your cottage cheese.
GK: A message from the Ketchup Advisory Board.
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor