(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
A word from the American Duct Tape Council.
(DUCKS)
Spring means a lot of work around the house getting things shipshape - and if you live in an older home, it's one headache after another ... taking off storm windows - (TR EFFORT, SQUEAKING) (TR: Why won't this darn thing ... come loose? TR EFFORT. GLASS BREAKAGE) ... opening up the outside water line ...(TR EFFORT, RUST LOOSENING, BIG TR EFFORT, CRACK AND WATER SPRAYING) ... and trying to get the lawnmower started ...(TR: Nineteen. BIG EFFORT, AND ENGINE TURN OVER AND DIE. TR: Twenty. BIG EFFORT AND ENGINE DIE. TR: Twenty-one! HUGE EFFORT AND ENGINE DIE. TR: Twenty-two. GUNSHOTS). Did you know that with two out of three home chores, duct tape makes it easier? And that the third one doesn't matter? If there's a gap between the screen and the frame ...(RIP OFF TAPE) duct tape covers it. If the water line cracks (RIP TAPE), repair it with duct tape. And if the lawn mower won't start, put your right arm in a sling made of duct tape and watch for your neighbor to come out - (TR: Hey? would you mind starting my mower for me? TK: You bet. LIGHT PULL, ENGINE STARTS. TR: Thanks! TK: No problem. Life is too short to spend it on maintenance. Duct tape ... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape.
(DUCKS)
A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor