(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, PP: Paula Poundstone)
GK: Yo Momma's so short you can see her feet on your drivers license!
PP: Yo Momma's so old your birth certificate says Expired. Yo Momma's so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo Momma's so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade. Yo Momma waited on table at the Last Supper.
GK: Yo Momma's so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train. When Yo Momma was born the doctor slapped her parents.
PP: Yo Momma smells so bad, Speed Stick slowed down and stopped. Yo Momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
GK: Yo Momma's so dumb, she failed a survey. Yo Momma's so dumb, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. Yo Momma's so dumb she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
PP: Yo Momma's so dumb - If my dog was as dumb as her, she'd walk backwards and wag his head.
GK: Yo Momma's so ugly she go in a strip joint and they pay her to keep your clothes on.
PP: Yo Momma's so ugly your Dad goes to work with her so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
GK: Yo Momma's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down. Yo Momma is so ugly, they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. Yo Momma's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
PP: Yo Momma's so fat her shadow weighs 100 pounds. Yo Momma's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet. Yo Momma's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. Yo Momma's blood type is Ragu. Yo Momma's belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
GK: Yo Momma's so fat that when she hauls ass, she have to make two trips! Yo Momma's so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back you had on flip flops.
PP: Yo Momma's such a glutton when she goes to an All You Can Eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo Momma's so fat, she buys clothes in 3 sizes: XL, Jumbo and OH MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US. Yo Momma's so fat, she walked in front of the TV and we missed 2 episodes of "Friends."
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor