(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
GK: ... brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council. A city that grows as fast as Atlanta has doesn't always have time to pour concrete. That's how Atlanta got to know duct tape. Freeway overpasses, shopping malls, or Olympic stadiums - duct tape grips a lot longer than you'd have any reason to expect.
Also brought to you by the producers of GONE WITH THE WIND 98 (BIG MOVIE THEME) The epic grandeur of the Old South. The fury of a scorned woman. And the biggest special effects budget of any movie this year! (CANNONS, HORSES, MARCHING FEET, SHOUTS OF COMMAND, EXPLOSIONS) The Civil War...when brother turned against brother, and brother against brother-in-law, and cousin against cousin, nephew turned against uncle, son turned against father, father against stepson, and even people who didn't know each other got pretty ugly, and in the midst of the suffering, amid the smoldering ashes, a woman whose dark eyes smoldered but for other reasons, Scarlett O'Hara...(VIOLIN UNDER...)
SS: You and I are alike, Rhett. Selfish and shrewd. But able to look things in their eyes and call them by their right names.
TR: I always felt that women had a hardness and endurance unknown to men. As well as having cleavage like the Shenandoah Valley.
SS: I am selfish, as you ought to know, Rhett Butler. Hard and selfish. And what most people don't seem to realize is that there is just as much money to be made out of the wreckage of a civilization as from the upbuilding of one.
TR: You mean-?
SS: An asteroid is heading through outer space and it's aimed straight at Atlanta, Rhett. It'll hit us in twenty-four hours. And when it does, it'll clear the land for new developments, new malls...
TR: An asteroid!! Shouldn't we be warning people??
SS: Rhett, most people in Atlanta now are not our people.
TR: But-
SS: At last, the South will be revenged.
TR: What's that rustlin' noise I hear, Miss Scarlett?
SS: I've got eighteen million dollars in my red silk petticoat. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over I'll never be hungry again! (MUSIC UP)
GK: Gone With the Wind '98. Starts Friday at selected theaters, check local listings for showtimes.
(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor